artybirdy

The story fell flat as there wasn’t enough mystery/suspense. I should have been at the edge of my seat halfway through, eager for more. However, I was left disappointed. Your ...

I noticed some grammar, spellings, such as “starred” for stared, and punctuation errors, i.e. missing commas, incorrect use of them etc. Few sentences feel “broken” due to the unnecessary use ...

The improvements you can make are: 1. Use fewer ellipses. They are mostly for dramatic pauses. Therefore, if too many of them are used, it can interrupt the natural flow ...

The poem was disturbing to say the least, but that’s a positive point – you *intended* to evoke such a reaction/thought/feeling from us. However, I’d have preferred it if you ...

I noticed a couple of punctuation and grammatical errors, so I'd suggest you to read over your work to avoid making them. The story, as it stands, lacks a structure, ...

Whew! This gave me the shivers. I didn’t expect the ending, and I *loved* how you implicitly revealed the truth. I thought an accident had occurred, but it’s only through ...

This is such a dramatic piece! I *loved* the plot twist. You have created a romantic atmosphere through the speaker’s confessions, showing their (forbidden) relationship to be like any other ...

This definitely gave me a surprise. When I read the title, I was expecting it to be a romantic story of a new married couple and the awkwardness they are ...

You have the tendency to tell the story, rather than showing it. For example, the main character's position in basketball team, his sister's name, his girlfriend and his rival; it's ...

This is such a beautiful piece! I could really relate to it, and feel the frustration of the speaker through the constantly use of “I hate you”. It’s intense in ...

Wow, this was amazing! I liked your choice of words; they show a very deep meaning. The continuous repetition of 'Dark Blue Eyes' really sets the tone, showing the speaker ...

This is amazing! Your rhyming, in my opinion, does not seem forced. But then again, I'm a new writer myself so I wouldn't know. The poem has a natural flow. ...

Wow, you're really a great writer. You've gotten me hooked in the first chapter. The atmosphere is tense, dramatic, and above all, mysterious. I loved it. With your last line, ...

For your first poem, this was definitely a beautiful work. I loved it. You've described a wedding scene with only twenty one lines. Amazing work! However, there were couple of ...

This was breath-taking! I really enjoyed it. You've really shown the pain and conflict of a girl, implying the idea everyone of us have gone through this pain at some ...