z

Young Writers Society


12+

Till Death Do Us Part

by LindsayG


October 5th 2009

“Miss”

“Miss”

It took a second for Belle to be awakened to her surroundings and to take notice of the young burly officer that stood in front of her with a cup of water in hand. “Here, drink this.” Belle took the cup from the officer nodding wordlessly as he draped a woolen blanket around her. “You are very lucky to be alive, Miss. Someone up there must have been watching out for you.”

Lucky. What a weird word to use, Belle thought to herself. She had survived, yes. But if the young officer had known half of the truth about what had actually transpired that night, he would know that Belle was anything but lucky.

* * * *

January 5th 2009

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the sight of God and in the presence of these witnesses, to join Josh and Belle in holy matrimony. Josh and Belle wish to be bound into this holy estate therefore if any person can show just cause why they cannot be bound let them speak now or forever hold their peace”

My mother always said that my wedding day would be the happiest day of my life. I wonder if that is why a part of me wants to know what she would say if she were here today. I have never been one to believe in the happily-ever-after stories or whatever it is they are selling in Hallmark cards nowadays. So to say my getting married today is a surprise is really an understatement. But that doesn’t really explain why no one I know or I should say no one I truly know is here. To explain that part, I would have to start this story from the very beginning. But, I should warn you it is as much my story as it is another’s. I wouldn’t be here without her story.

“… Belle and Josh as you stand before your family and friends today, I remind you both that you stand in the presence of God as well, who sees into the hearts and minds and nothing is hidden from him. Therefore, remember that as you have chosen to stand here today to declare your covenant of marriage before all, if you strive to keep the vows you make here today, God will surely bless your union and establish your home in peace.”

The youngest of two girls, I was born to a father who knew all too well that I was not his. He chose to put me in a foreign country with distant relatives rather than dealing with the brutal truth of his dead wife’s infidelity. Separated from my family and all I knew to be true, writing became the only way I could stay connected to my family. Over the years, written words conveyed the emotions that face-to-face interactions had denied me with my family. From the letters from my mom before her passing, I discovered why my father would never treat me as his or ever ask me to come home. From the letters from my older sister Rose, I found the mom, dad, and sister that life had so callously denied me. All too aware of the reason for my exile, Rose had never made me feel like I was anything but loved and wanted. Rose wrote to me about her exploits in high school, all the ways she would irritate dad as an act of vengeance for me, and most importantly, how she wished she could bring me home so we could be together always. This was the Rose I knew and the Rose I loved. She was as wild and rebellious as she was loving and forgiving. At least until the day she met Josh. After that day, she was never the same.

* * * * *

August 29th 1990

Dear Anna,

I know I haven’t written you a letter in a while. I’m sorry I haven’t replied to any of your letters. Do you hate me? I’m sorry. It’s too late, I know, but I really am. I had to explain why, everything, about Josh, about me. Anna, when I first met Josh, you know that I was only 18 years old. I was drawn to him. I couldn’t help it. He was everything that I knew father would hate in a boy, which made him perfect for me. I can still remember the day we walked through the gates to papa’s house. Hand-in-hand we made promises that no matter what father would say, we would still get married.

As we had anticipated dad was not at all pleased yelling at us to get out of his house with warnings of disownment if I dared marry that “thing” I picked up from the streets, in his words. I cried out to mom to help daddy see reason, but my cries fell on deaf ears. Josh and I left the house amid daddy’s threats determined more than ever to prove him wrong and to get married as soon as possible. The next morning Josh and I made a trip to Las Vegas to a little chapel near the grand casino. I was skeptical about our decision I have to admit, because I had always imagined my wedding being different. I had practically dreamed about it since I was 5 years old. Do you remember Anna? I used to tell you all about it when you were younger. You were only three then. Anyway, I dreamed about the walk down the aisle to the wedding march. I dreamed about daddy guiding me steadily as we walked, reminding me with every step that he would be there to catch me if I fell. I also dreamed about what it would feel like to finally see my groom, and the love that would fill us both as we exchanged our vows before our family and friends. Needless to say this was far from what I had dreamed of since I was a little girl but whatever doubts I had about our union, Josh quickly dissolved with one kiss. With one kiss we were husband and wife and with that kiss, my life as I knew it was about to end.

Anna, do you ever wonder why mothers spend so much time talking about weddings with their daughters but not so much about marriages? A month into my marriage with Josh, I think I discovered why. For everything that a wedding is supposed to be, a marriage is the exact opposite –in a sense we celebrate weddings in anticipation of the drudgery that marriage will be. Anyway, after our honeymoon, Josh and I paid another visit to papa, this time hoping that papa would be forced to welcome us. I was wrong. Papa kept true to his promise and the last I heard of him was when I picked up the paper this morning. Did you hear the news? Are you coming down for Papa’s funeral? Have you forgiven Papa? Sometimes I feel the need to blame him for my shattered life. Perhaps if he had not been so horrible to you and sent you away or been so strict on me, I would not have felt the need to rebel against him. And maybe who knows, I might not have met Josh at all. But deep down, no matter how much I try I can’t hate him. Papa was right. I was too young and too blinded with my ideas about love that I failed to realize that the day I married Josh, my life ended.

A month into our marriage, I discovered I was pregnant. Before I even told Josh about the wonderful news, I planned what I would do differently with my child, all the ways I would be different from mother, and all the ways Josh would be different from papa. I was so excited to share the news with Josh so I went out that day and bought some maternity clothes and a fake belly pillow. I cooked Josh’s favorite meal and waited patiently for him to get home. I decided that when Josh walked into our house that evening, I would be standing by our candle-lit dinner table warmly rubbing my fake belly, Josh would guess that I was pregnant and rush over to wrap me in his arms. Just imagine my excitement when I heard Josh’s car pull into our driveway and his engine go off. When the door opened, I stood as I had practiced all day. Josh looked at me, he dropped his suitcase and walked towards me, I took in a deep breath anticipating his picking me up. I didn’t notice the look in his eyes on time, and when I did, it was too late.

The next day, I woke up feeling sore all over; Josh was there. He brought me breakfast in bed and kissed me on my head. He apologized for having lost his temper. He told me that he had overreacted but he was under a lot of stress at the office. He said his father was putting him to work to show that he deserved to be there, not just because he was his son. He promised that it wouldn’t happen again. He said that the next time, when he was ready – when we were both ready, we could have as many babies as we wanted. I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry, but Josh was having a hard time and I didn’t want to make it worse. He kissed me again and said he had to go to work but he would be back early that evening and he would make it up to me. I never told him this, but when he left, I cried over our dead baby. The one that I would never get to hold, the one that I would never get to call my own and the one that I could never be different with. After my tears had dried up within me, I carried my blood stained maternity clothes outside to our backyard, where I buried them. I would visit our baby there everyday, I promised myself. What I didn’t know then was that in the months and years that would follow, that backyard would become the home of more than one baby. Am I rumbling on?

Anyway, a couple of nights ago, Josh and I got into a fight again. He said I had ruined his life. I was good for nothing except making the babies that he didn’t want. He told me I was an embarrassment, that was why he couldn’t take me anywhere with him. What would people say, he asked, if they found out that he was married to a nobody like me. He said that even my family didn’t want me so why should he have to suffer with what nobody wanted? I was hurt because I love him so much but I also know Josh is right. Nobody wants me. I haven’t seen daddy or spoken to you for twelve years now and now he’s gone. I don’t have any friends anymore because Josh didn’t like my friends; he thought they were corrupting me. I dropped out of school because Josh wanted a wife he could come home to. I have had so many abortions that the doctor said I can’t give birth anymore. I don’t know anything anymore. Nobody wants me, and I don’t blame them. I just want to be with my children, Anna. Please don’t judge me. They are mine. For the moments that I carried them, I loved them and even after I laid them to rest I never stopped loving them. I think they loved me too. Do you think so? I want to know. I will go to them soon. Forgive me Annabelle. Write me soon!

Your sister,

Rose.

* * * * *

January 5th 2009

When Rose died, it was as if a part of me died with her, and for the first time in my life I felt truly alone. I vowed then to take from Josh what he had taken from me. For every niece or nephew denied me, he would pay with what he cared most about, and for Rose’s life, he would pay with his very own.

Now Josh, do you take Belle to be your lawfully wedded wife? Do you promise to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?”

I do”

Belle, do you take Josh to be your lawfully wedded husband? Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?”

* * * *

October 5th 2009

Belle sat at the back of the ambulance the woolen blanket still draped around her. In the distance, the faint sound of the fire truck leaving the premises could still be heard. The air smelled tepid with a combination of gasoline and ash. The cops that still lingered around the great big mansion that had once been the envy of many but now had been reduced to ash whispered about the events of the day. In the morning, the newspapers would be flooded with stories and interpretations of what had transpired that night. Friends and family would mourn of what was and what could have been and many would offer their condolences to the newly wed that had the unfortunate experience of nearly being burned alive by her crazed husband. Yes, all would talk; friends and strangers alike, but no one would ever know what truly happened on that cold October night when Josh Wheating burned to a crisp.

* * * *

January 5th 2009

“Belle?” the priest reverberated. “Do you take Josh to be-“

“I do.” Annabelle replied. Till death do us part.


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172 Reviews


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Tue Sep 08, 2015 10:37 pm
RagingLive wrote a review...



Hia there, LindsayG!! RagingLive here to review you chilling short!!

I loved how Annabelle explained the story as her and Josh were being married. That was a very genius thing to do. Also, seeing the story through letters was a nice touch and I feel like you did a wonderful job!!

“Miss”
"Miss"

The lack of punctuation here made it a bit hard to read. Since I am assuming that it was asked in a quizzical manner then I suggest you place a question mark after each.

The tense change was a little abrupt because I wasn't expecting it. There really isn't much you can do about it other then place the person's name above with a hyphen or something so that we know who is narrating.

I have never been one to believe in the happily-ever-after stories or whatever it is they are selling in Hallmark cards nowadays.

This line was an amazing addition!! I would have never thought of it that way! Good job!! :D

But that doesn’t really explain why no one I know or I should say no one I truly know is here

This is a bit confusing, maybe if we rephrase:
"But that doesn't really explain why no one I know - or should I say no one I truly know - is here."

newly wed

This can be one word:
"newlywed" or separated by a hyphen, "newly-wed"
If you want to leave it though it isn't a huge obstacle, just a mild distraction.

This was a very sad but a very touching story. I would like to see more of your work in the future, so please keep writing and keep smiling!! :)

~RagingLive




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Tue May 26, 2015 3:46 pm
artybirdy wrote a review...



Whew! This gave me the shivers. I didn’t expect the ending, and I *loved* how you implicitly revealed the truth. I thought an accident had occurred, but it’s only through the last sentence I realised it was all planned.

The transitions from one scene to another almost felt like a short, dramatic film, and flows smoothly, so well done for being able to execute that!

It’s a well-revised piece. I found no grammatical errors, so that’s another plus point.

However, I believe you should have been consistent with the perspective you were telling the story from. For example, at the start, it’s in third person’s point of view, whereas the rest is in first. Thus, it feels incoherent and quite amateurish to me. If the perspectives are changed for a particular effect or reason, then it’s fine; otherwise, I’d suggest you edit that part.

Overall, your writing style is simple, yet very engaging. I enjoyed reading this!




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Thu May 07, 2015 5:23 am
PrinceofTerror wrote a review...



Cool! Good writing style by using letters to state your story. The story telling is good, present to past, past to present. There is no sequence, but for me, the flow of the story is smooth. I can feel the suspense as it builds up as the story progress.

Technically, I think that you should be consistent with the usage of your verb tenses since you are using some flashback story telling here. Also, you should be mindful about using the correct punctuation marks inside a quotation, for sometimes you are forgetting to use one. Other than this, the grammar looks fine to me.

Again, I like the writing style, but this story could have been much better if it is a novel or a novella at the very least, just to make it more action packed. :p

I'll give this 4.5 out of 5 stars.




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Thu May 07, 2015 12:57 am
happyslappy13 wrote a review...



Woah. Freaky stuff. Lol

Anyways, very interesting read. I assume this is a short story and not a series, so I'm going to treat it as such in this review. I really like this premise. The letter format was a really great way of delving into the character's mind, in my opinion. Really made the fight between her and Josh more dramatic. Very nice.

Now, to get the grammar out of the way, you have a couple of run on sentences, especially in the last big paragraph. I understand the main character is kind of frantic/rambling, but the change is still important for fluent reading.

Sentences like:

"The cops that still lingered around the great big mansion that had once been the envy of many but now had been reduced to ash whispered about the events of the day."

and...

"Friends and family would mourn of what was and what could have been and many would offer their condolences to the newly wed that had the unfortunate experience of nearly being burned alive by her crazed husband."

...Both of these need commas, for they are difficult to read straight the first time otherwise. Just maintains the flow, and you are able to keep the character's mental rambling.


Here's another thing I thought of with this:

The ending here is strong, but I feel like it isn't as strong as it could be, ending with 'With death do us part.' I randomly just had this idea that would be even better. Instead of flashing back to her marrying Josh (which is a rather confusing time jump), it explains that she married again. This time, it's describing the new marriage vows.


January 8th 2010

Annabelle married again the next year, a bloke named Henry. He was nice enough.

"Henry, do you take Belle to be your wife?"

"I do," was his response, and it's sincerity was clear.

“Belle?” the priest reverberated. “Do you take Henry to be-“

“I do.” Annabelle replied. "Till death do us part," she whispered, a wiry smile crawling across her face.


... I know this is a slightly different direction, but it's something I thought of. She is considering killing her new husband if she has to. Seems a bit stronger and a bit fresher to me, but again, just a suggestion. Anyways, nice work, an interesting premise.


Keep it up!
~ Nate





I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities.
— Dr. Seuss