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139,524 Literary Works • 672,598 Reviews
For your first poem, this was definitely a beautiful work. I loved it. You've described a wedding scene with only twenty one lines. Amazing work!
However, there were couple of things I noticed instantly. For a poem, it looked cramped. Instead of having a mixture of short and long sentences for an effect, the poem had only long ones. It seemed more like a story than a poem. Moreover, you've repeated quite a few things. For example: 'Handsome gentleman'. There were also a couple of errors with punctuation, grammar and spelling, but nothing too major.
Other than that, I really liked it. It was a masterpiece for a beginner. Well done, and keep writing!
D: Thankyou I'm not too good at rhyming my aunts getting married soon so this poem is for her and I was having a dumb moment in spelling XxD
Not at all bad for your first poem. I liked it a lot.
Just a suggestion next time try rhyming for this exact same poem and you will see a differnce believe me.
I love the plot and about the little boy catching the pillow.
And if isle is what i think it is i think the spelling is 'aisle' but if your meaning a island then its fine.
I love it as whole new comer
Looking forward to reading more
I'm sorry if this didn't reach to your right satisfaction.
But this is my first poem ever!
So please respect,
and I love the feedback thank you
Wow, this is a really nice poem, and a nice way to describe the wedding ceremony.
I really like it how you call the priest a "fat fella", it's funny. xDDD But hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, why do they stand AWKWARDLY listening to the priest? what is awkward about it? Sorry, seems like I kinda didn't understand that part. and hmmmm, how come the rings are so fragile?
Still, although I got confused by some details, I really like the poem, great job
EDIT: double comment posted by mistake. Moderators, please delete this one.
Willow C. Here to reveiw. I apologize in advance.
First off the the seperation is a little off-putting. A lot of writers don't know this, but presentation is a very important part of writing. The way a peice is seperated can change how the passage is read and how it appeals to the eye. No one wants
To look
Like
This.
But it's important to keep things rhythmically seperated so that it emphasizes the right words and parts and makes long mellow descriptions easy on the brain. It's always good to use many stanzas even in such a short piece.
Next, certain words are poison to peoms. Such as "which". In a poem giving a delicate, thoughtful description, "which" is like arsenic. It makes you sound like you don't know what to write next, and you don't have a clue on which contraction you should use. So, "burn the witch! Burn her!"
Other than that it was a good poem, very descriptive and thoughtful. Never under estimate the power of style and icing on the cake. How it looks is very important to how the reader reads it, and if they read it.
Peace out, Willow C.
OK, so my best friend is getting married this weekend, and I am super gushy right now, and I just- GUH.
So I loved that you made "The Handsome Gentleman" his actual title. It turns him from being any old handsome guy to THE Handsome Guy. So cute. UGH. I CAN'T-
Crying, brb.
My first one