Persistence will be HeardLateisha Stam
For thirty long years Leo had lived in the house up at leaky creek. At first the houses inhabitants consisted of Leo and Daisy, Leo’s wife. Twenty years ago when her husband was at work, Daisy was washing the clothes in the rushing, crystal water that bordered their property. Its not known how but Daisy lost her life to the splintering glass of that creek and was found two days later washed up on the banks of the town river. Leo had never forgotten Daisy. In fact some people rumor that Leo never believed Daisy was dead. For twenty long years, Leo sat in the bay window that looked out to the shady oak which sat on the bank of the creek. Every Day he woke up and watched. When he saw her he went out to the tree where Daisy stood. Always the same way. Always standing with her back turned staring down at the rushing glass, her hair flailing in the wind and he walked to her. Everyday for twenty years he walked out to Daisy, trying to reach her and every time he got near enough she disappeared. Sometimes he'd run and scream her name, others he'd try to be as quiet as he could. Several times he tried not to go out, he tried to stay inside his house on leaky creak and ignore the fact that the love of his life stood only twenty metres away. But everyday his never ending love for Daisy drove him out that door, everyday.
These long years of daily heartbreak had began to take its toll on Leo, in the form of a cancer that destroyed him day by day. For Some time Leo had been unable to force his body out the door, the cancer had taken over. It hurt him more not being able to reach for Daisy, not be able to at least try. He still watches her from his window. Now, Daisy never leaves. She stays through storms and heat, she stays through the coldest nights of Winter and the windiest days of Spring. There was nothing to disturb her then. Leo started hearing her voice again. She sang a melody, one she used to sing when she cleaned and Leo began to sing back. Each day his endless desire to reach her grew stronger and every night, before Leo went to sleep he spoke to who ever would listen, he demanded to be heard. He spoke about his last wishes on earth and how the years he spent with daisy are what made his life worth living. He spoke about if he ever became well enough to go out again, he would lose himself the same way he lost Daisy. To the sharp icy creek, under the shady oak. The place that he'd watched for so many years. He used the power of his words to be heard.
Leo woke one day and the sky was covered by soft grey. Today his lungs were taking in air better than before and his limbs where moving freer than they had recently. Today he would go out to Daisy, today he would be able to fill his hollowest desire. Leo put on his coat and latched onto his walked stick. Daisy was there, as usual standing like the ghostly figure she was, Leo began walking. As soon as he was off the porch the air got heavy and the usual feelings of grief and sadness came back to him. Leo reached the closest root of the tree and longed to feel Daisy’s blonde curls entwined in his fingers again. He stepped closer, this was the time, every time, that Daisy disappeared. This time, she didnt. Leo lifted his head and stared at her curls blowing in the wind. Quietly he whispered, like a question he whispered her name and she turned.
For some time they stood in the cold wind, until Leo reached out and touched Daisy’s cheek. “Why did you stay out for so long?” Leo asked, with disbelief filing his otherwise empty words. Daisy simply smiled and tilted her head to the side. “Unable are the loved to die, for love is immortality.” And they kissed for the first time in almost thirty years. Finally under that old shady oak, on the rushing creek. Finally because of the persistence of Leos words. Finally death had answered his calls and finally they could disappear together.
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I noticed a couple of punctuation and grammatical errors, so I'd suggest you to read over your work to avoid making them.
The story, as it stands, lacks a structure, e.g. in paragraphing. You could break down your paragraphs, so your readers are not intimidated or left overwhelmed. Do remember: every time a new character speaks, start another paragraph.
Though Daisey's dialogue ties the basic idea together, it was worded awkwardly. Perhaps, you can rephrase it?
You could have created a dramatic or "punchy" effect in the end, by seperating the last two sentences.
For example:
"Finally . . . death had answered his calls."
"Finally . . . they would disappear together."
Nevertheless, these sentences struck a chord and did finish the story nicely.
Your simplistic approach to this story has been effective. I truly enjoyed reading it! The title definitely caught my attention and I especially liked that it was reflected throughout.
Overall, very well done! I felt you gave it a good shot, and could see your efforts.
Good luck, and keep writing!
Um, that was weird... sorry! I have no idea why it just posted that twice. :/
Hey!
. The title is typically the first thing you notice about a story, and if it's not an intriguing title, then why open it? Your title definitely caught my attention!
.
). But it definitely isn't terrible. Really, I've seen much worse. Just a couple tweaks and you're good! I can point those out if you want me to 

That was really cute and sort of just ripped my heart into a million pieces... but anyway
First off, your title just makes it
The simple idea and flow of your story was also good. Your characters are well defined for a short, which is haaard. But you did a great job
You mention your grammar in your description... not sure if you wanted help with it or you just hadn't gotten around to fixing it yet (like me
One more thing... Try spacing out the text a little bit (double space, separated into more paragraphs, etc.). It's really intimating to look at those solid blocks of text haha!
You did a great job! I enjoyed reading this!
I really enjoyed this. I thought that you're characters, even though they spoke very little, felt so human that I was very impressed you were able to do it in such a short piece. The way that Leo lived out his days without Daisy was heart-breaking at the same time a beautiful look on how a person's love for someone can survive past their loved one's death as well as there own. The ending was especially effective at showing me how he never felt mad or strange for chasing daisy at that tree only to disappear every time because he knew that he would soon join her. The final line captures that, and I felt so much for characters that had such little dialogue. Very nice job, I loved it!