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Re: Remembering Exodus
Wow very nice poem, one thing though, the transition from the 2nd stanza to the 3rd stanza is abit odd. It's confusing, is it supposed to be a full stop, ...
Sun Apr 20, 2008 4:10 am -
Re: War
Thanks rick EDIT: wait did you say rhyming? Um where did I rhyme it lol
Sun Apr 20, 2008 3:04 am -
Re: Dejection
It's alright, not exactly mind blowing but it doesn't disgrace poetry, some bits were actually quite good.
Sun Apr 20, 2008 12:37 am -
Re: Lady Burlesque & Her Lovers
Nice poem, but you really need to add punctuation. Without punctuation it was a little hard to get into the rythem of it. The idea of the poem is original, ...
Sun Apr 20, 2008 12:23 am -
Re: War
Hmmmm I think your right on just about everything there, ill rearrange it tommorow when I can think, it's late here lol
Sat Apr 19, 2008 12:20 pm -
Re: Fortnight
Very nice poem, million times better than your last one, very emotional.
Sat Apr 19, 2008 9:16 am -
Re: Tears
Well the rythem DOES make it sound good in my head, and if it helps its a very good cliche.
Sat Apr 19, 2008 8:48 am -
Re: Changes
I liked it quite abit, sure you jump around abit, but that can sortve describe mixed emotions.
Sat Apr 19, 2008 8:44 am -
Re: There's something about addictive iconics
Lol this is awsome, almost as good as the first one.
Sat Apr 19, 2008 8:40 am -
Re: She Hides Behind Her Smile
Good poem, repeating will sometimes work, and sometimes not, this time it did not.
Sat Apr 19, 2008 8:39 am -
Re: A Pierced Heart
EDIT: whoops sorry, mustve posted twice by accident
Sat Apr 19, 2008 8:31 am -
Re: A Pierced Heart
Excellent poem, short but powerful, last two lines were genuis.
Sat Apr 19, 2008 8:29 am -
Re: Forgiveness
lol im getting to it.
Sat Apr 19, 2008 7:01 am -
Re: Your deadly embrace
Thanks for your advice cat, i've added the missing punctuation, and you were right in saying that that the six line stanza throws off the rythem. It's changed now. Thanks.
Sat Apr 19, 2008 6:04 am -
Re: The Frozen Citadel
Wow, I love this, everything about it just makes my jaw drop open in admiration.
Sat Apr 19, 2008 5:20 am
