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Wow very nice poem, one thing though, the transition from the 2nd stanza to the 3rd stanza is abit odd. It's confusing, is it supposed to be a full stop, ...

Thanks rick EDIT: wait did you say rhyming? Um where did I rhyme it lol

It's alright, not exactly mind blowing but it doesn't disgrace poetry, some bits were actually quite good.

Nice poem, but you really need to add punctuation. Without punctuation it was a little hard to get into the rythem of it. The idea of the poem is original, ...

Hmmmm I think your right on just about everything there, ill rearrange it tommorow when I can think, it's late here lol

Very nice poem, million times better than your last one, very emotional.

Well the rythem DOES make it sound good in my head, and if it helps its a very good cliche.

I liked it quite abit, sure you jump around abit, but that can sortve describe mixed emotions.

Lol this is awsome, almost as good as the first one.

Good poem, repeating will sometimes work, and sometimes not, this time it did not.

EDIT: whoops sorry, mustve posted twice by accident

Excellent poem, short but powerful, last two lines were genuis.

lol im getting to it.

Thanks for your advice cat, i've added the missing punctuation, and you were right in saying that that the six line stanza throws off the rythem. It's changed now. Thanks.

Wow, I love this, everything about it just makes my jaw drop open in admiration.