Published April 19, 2008
War,
The petty struggles of men,
Destroying themselves and all around them.
Millions dead,
Dying for uncaring leaders,
Their bright flames extinguished.
What are lives to leaders?
To bring grief, pain and suffering,
All to further there own ends.
Blood falls, as red as poppies,
Falling into the ground,
Lives destroyed as easily as a candle flame.
Families, torn apart,
Fathers burying there sons,
Filled with sorrow.
Is there hope?
Is there light at the end of the tunnel?
Can we escape the ravaging of war?
Or will we enter the light of peace,
The light of hope,
Just to be thrown into the darkness of war.
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140,885 Literary Works • 673,700 Reviews
Hmmmm I think your right on just about everything there, ill rearrange it tommorow when I can think, it's late here lol
Yes, I'm against war too, but this brings nothing new to that table. Worse of all it's mostly telling, you've taken to wide an idea. Which basically kills the poem. Wouldn't it impact more if you concentrated on one aspect a family, a soldier, a politician, anything? Now, even though this wasn't that original it had some merits:
I like this stanza, except the 'roses', why you choose such a cliche flower? Why not bluebells, daisies why Roses? But away from that, a more symbolic flower would be poppies. And rather than destroyed use 'snuffed' more metaphorical.
You spell dying wrong. ALWAYS spellcheck!
I love the alliteration of Stanza five.
Now where this poem falls down: Rheroric, cliches and nothing new.
You ask way too many question, and never bother to answer them?
A poem like this is opinon but when you ask so many rhetoric questions, it falls apart as it seems preachy.
Overall: Now you could all very well show this exellently, but you have the basics with some exellent word choice. Just there is nothing new. You show us, show us. Really, please read poems like 'Dulce Et Decorum Est by Wilfred Owen. He gives the emotion and makes you mad. All this could be much better if you rewrote this with a more certain idea.
Good luck
VSN
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