Twit

I'm not Royboy, but I liked this. :) The thing about the commas coming before the ending quote marks has been said already. Do some people really say "totally" and ...

Cor. Lumme. Lawks. Raxacollikophallabatoriaxe. Emotional stuff here. And powerful, too. I don't think there was anything wrong with this, and I really liked this line: The beast. The burden. The ...

Pretty good! Can't comment on the subject, but the rhyming was good! It scraped a bit in places, but I can't point fingers. :) Be happy Be decent Allow me ...

Oh yeah I absolutely LOVE those books!!!! They're so cool, and a lot better than "The Lake House" and "Where The Wind Blows" which is what they're based on. Patterson's ...

I say this with true honesty, and with the added delight of being able to quote with possibly no one noticing: that is beautiful. I live by the sea, and ...

Very pretty, Gyr! I especially liked the first eight lines. :D If I'm being critical, then it's with the word "fright'ning" in "fright'ning flash." I'd take out the " ' ...

What's E'in Sof mean? Something Egyptian? I have yet to know what makes a good poem myself, as I cannot write stuff that seems to follow those guidelines. Thus, I ...

Oh, you read Matthew Reilly's books? No wonder this is fast then, his books zip right past you! Not that his style isn't good, it is, excepting his annoying use ...

Continuity here - in a previous chapter, you say Elyn is a child, then you say he is a young man, and now you say he's a kid again. Make ...

OK, OK, this is good! Taking a deep breath, she blinked her eyes open. Wrong word to use. Just say: she opened her eyes. Elyn avioded her gaze That should ...

Nice! Good writing the way Tamia felt numb and was doing things on automatic. A few things leapt out tho: you don't mention what equipment she had at all; I ...

I liked this - okay, a little cliched beginning, and there were a few spellings and all, but pretty good! :D I didn't think the hallucination/vision was confusing *looks smug* ...

Rats, he got shot. Why'd that have to happen? She had a fire inside of her Just "inside her" would sound better. Nice style of writing, and the part about ...

:D AI= Artificial Intelligences? :lol: Very funny. . . .

I didn't fully read this, and that tells aginst me, I know, but I have to say that I like black and white movies. Laurel and Hardy just don't work ...