Twit

Hi! Ridza pulled his armor over his head and made sure it was secure before looking at himself in the mirror. Nice first line. The mention of armour is a ...

Hi! I like the idea of a fear of the dark being part of something bigger and founded in something real. That's a really cool idea. However I struggled to ...

Hey fortis! There were, however, also people who had not removed their chip. Kerra was able to rule out all of these because not a single one had gone anywhere ...

Hey Horisun! "Julie! Julie! Come see the roses!" Lora knocked on the door rapidly . I would suggest making this sentence more active and instead of verb + adverb choose ...

Heya! A few in-line stuffs: Sagrá’s arms flew to his defense , “You ask too much from me, Cassius , ” h e pointed to the target of his words, ...

Hi! I haven't read any SPN fic in a while, so this was a nice read! It was very engaging, and your writing was very clear and easy to understand. ...

I think this piece suffers from being too broad in its definitions. For example: Essentially, it represents sexual attraction to someone of the same sex (gender, if you prefer that ...

Hi Maddie! Have you looked at QueryShark and the boards over at AgentQueryConnect? The advice there is very helpful. Dear Maria Vicente, You should begin more formally: "Dear Ms Vicente" ...

Hi WeasleyDragonStar! A trunk grasped in my right hand. A satchel thrown over my shoulder. My pockets bulging with packets of crackers, dull pencils, and anything else I had managed ...

Hi WeasleyDragonStar! “Laugh!” Gunther stood and grasped my wrists in his hands, tugging me to the middle of the wooden floor. I slipped in my sandals as he twirled me ...

Hi Blackwood! I haven't read the other chapters (there are a lot), so I can't really comment on overall structure, but just on my impressions of the writing and whatnot. ...

Hi JaBurton! They all thought we did this out of the good of our hearts, like the emblems we on our bodies symbolized this somehow. Should that be "the emblems ...

Hi myfairladybug! (Awegreat name, btw) There were three. Then there were four. Seven. Twelve. Eighteen. Hundreds. Thousands. Until there were four once again. Awesome beginning! Under the cave inside

Hi fallenoutofgrace! Imma call you Foog. The smallest flicker in the abyss of the night showed the location of the enemy, idiot thinking he could light up without being found. ...

Hiya! Star Wars, kewl. The flight to Coruscant had been an agonising, yet silent experience as he hurtled to the planet in his D5-Mantis. Suggest starting with the character name, ...