Squall

Hey there Jabber, “It is unbelievable that it is tomorrow already!” “I am getting anxious.” “I hope the queen makes the right decision for me.” “I heard that the lords ...

Hey there Fantasyartist, Your lives hang in the balance! I think you can be a bit more creative with the dialogue here. As he left through the door and ported ...

Hey Mat. This was actually quite clever in how you've portrayed Ian's passing into death. Now for the critique. She stooped as she walked, and kept her hands clenched by ...

Sup Chey, Steam rose from the cauldron, as a mixture of chopped carrots and potatoes were tipped in. You do not need the comma there. The woman responsible stood, wiping ...

Hey there Rubric. The cavalry formation thundered through the infantry before them like a scythe through wheat. An excellent use of similie and very fitting for the situation. “And Charge!” ...

Hello Derek. Firstly, I would like to take this time in congratulating you in your improvement as a writer in such a small period of time. However, after reading this ...

Hey there. This had potential, but the presentation of this piece makes your ideas rather hard to digest by the reader. Firstly, you lacked description. It was quite hard to ...

Hey there Misconcept, and welcome to YWS. Onto my critique. Take away all color, all sound and all emotion. What else is left in the world? This is only the ...

Hey there OverEasy, and welcome to YWS. You'll find me roaming the fantasy forum from time to time, reading up works, since I'm nerdy like that XD Onto my critique. ...

Hey Laf. She considered just taking everything off and walking home like that, but she was worried of being seen naked. She wondered what one would be safer. There is ...

Hey there Eliza. I would like to start off by saying that this was pretty good, and it was quite intriguing. When the live man saw Rylan looking at him ...

Hey there Starrynight. For a first person perspective, I believe you handled it quite well. Normally I'm not a fan of 1st person, because they tend to tell more than ...

Hey Ayra, Mind you, I have read the previous part. I'm just posting my impressions on the chapter as a whole in here. You have some very nice descriptions, which, ...

Hey Reakeda. The dialogue was one of the highlights of this. I liked how it was quite realistic and it worked well with the situation that was presented in this ...

Well well Adam. Guess I have to repeat myself again lol. This was another gripping chapter and one of my favourites. I love how you use your descriptions to show ...