Snoink

That's kind of funny that you thought that the last line was forced (it's good to know that it sounded like that), but that actually was the easiest stanza to ...

Actually, it's "wasteland." A rather strange word, now that I think of it. My suggestion? Don't capitalize everything. You capitalize wasteland, my, alone, life, and person. Try not to capitalize ...

The first line reminds me of a Beatles song. But, when I read into it more, it wasn't quite that. I looked at it as a simple poem about your ...

You misspelled "thoughts" as toughts." Change it. Also, the poem looks formatted strangely. There's two lines for the first verse, but three lines for the next verse. Perhaps put "I ...

This is written in the style of the 1800s. Think Mark Twain and Voltaire. It's a subtle form of humor, told in a bland, dry way, which is sometimes so ...

I remember, one time I kneaded some biscuits too much, and they were the hardest things around. It sucked. I had to eat them too -- child abuse! I'm not ...

It reminds me of the 5000000000000 times that my sister and I got lost. Sister: Wait... where are we? Me: Who cares? WHEEE!!! Goes sliding down the sand dunes. Sister: ...

Lots of grammatical mistakes, especially for the dialogue. When you write a sentence, even in dialogue, you end it with a period. Remember that. Also, go through the story with ...

LOL! Well, we are the blind leading the blind. ;) Your rhyming scheme is very forced. :P I wrote a little article on structured poetry here: But interesting idea! I ...

You're right -- it is sounding more like Avril's kind of tune rather than The Beatles. It just seems to have that flavor of modern pop. The chorus, mind you, ...

XD Um... first of all, I haven't read many of the other chapters, so this seems a little... sudden. But, since I don't know, you've probably just left it on ...

hi sam...erm...this is...different. I can't say as it's my favorite thing you've ever written, but I have confidence that it will grow steadily better. And yeah...new title definately in order. ...

I think the fourth stanza is misplaced. I would rather see the third and fifth stanzas together than third, fourth, and fifth. I don't know... it seems to be misplaced. ...

Er... yeah. I love making fun of poems like this. I think you should submit something else in the writing contest. Generally, people don't go for this kind of stuff ...

As you take you very first step. Aw... how cute. But... it should be "As you take your very first step." Notice the your... They have no mercy for the ...