Snoink

You misspelled "thoughts" as toughts." Change it. Also, the poem looks formatted strangely. There's two lines for the first verse, but three lines for the next verse. Perhaps put "I ...

This is written in the style of the 1800s. Think Mark Twain and Voltaire. It's a subtle form of humor, told in a bland, dry way, which is sometimes so ...

I remember, one time I kneaded some biscuits too much, and they were the hardest things around. It sucked. I had to eat them too -- child abuse! I'm not ...

It reminds me of the 5000000000000 times that my sister and I got lost. Sister: Wait... where are we? Me: Who cares? WHEEE!!! Goes sliding down the sand dunes. Sister: ...

Lots of grammatical mistakes, especially for the dialogue. When you write a sentence, even in dialogue, you end it with a period. Remember that. Also, go through the story with ...

LOL! Well, we are the blind leading the blind. ;) Your rhyming scheme is very forced. :P I wrote a little article on structured poetry here: But interesting idea! I ...

You're right -- it is sounding more like Avril's kind of tune rather than The Beatles. It just seems to have that flavor of modern pop. The chorus, mind you, ...

XD Um... first of all, I haven't read many of the other chapters, so this seems a little... sudden. But, since I don't know, you've probably just left it on ...

hi sam...erm...this is...different. I can't say as it's my favorite thing you've ever written, but I have confidence that it will grow steadily better. And yeah...new title definately in order. ...

I think the fourth stanza is misplaced. I would rather see the third and fifth stanzas together than third, fourth, and fifth. I don't know... it seems to be misplaced. ...

Er... yeah. I love making fun of poems like this. I think you should submit something else in the writing contest. Generally, people don't go for this kind of stuff ...

As you take you very first step. Aw... how cute. But... it should be "As you take your very first step." Notice the your... They have no mercy for the ...

It's Jesus'. I know... you're supposed to put an s after every singular possesive subject, but for the case of ancient godly dudes, the s is omitted. Trust me on ...

Ah... a story with some resemblence to a plot... what a relief. The narrator: The narrator is confused. Her life has just been turned upside down. Her dad's moving away ...

Yes, it really is pretty. :) I would prefer a rhyme, but... maybe it doesn't need it. :P