Snoink

youre right , im a terrible writer but ill still try untill im told im crap.then ill just give up. thanks for bieng honest, ill take more time making sence ...

Jiggy is right, but... well... if you're going for slang, then you want to indicate that it is a question. Why? Because the words would naturally get higher as the ...

how much did i love you? i counted the ways that you loved me i'll always remember the things we used to do now black and white is all i ...

Aha! Nate replied. ;) So… since I think that people actually want me to tell them what I think of their stories at the onset, I shall tell you! The ...

The first one seems to beg to be put into present tense. Why? Because it's so pretty. I don't know why, but I think poetic stories should be in present ...

Er... any special reason why this is broken up into two posts? The first two stanzas are absolutely wonderful. The rest doesn't seem so inspired. Hmm... what a lame critique. ...

When I read the beginning, I thought, "Oh my God, it's a crazy psychopathic stalker lady who can't seem to let go." One of my aunts was like this, so ...

He struck my heart, he struck my heart badly.His I don't think this line break works particularly well... glimmering eyes and sunshiney smile, the warmth you feel when he's around. ...

I like the language... I think it's Latin or Italian. Actually, it's probably Italian. But still! I like how it combines. For me, it reminds me of a cathedral, which ...

I like the first stanza a lot. Why? Because you used assonance to your advantage. What is assonance? Basically, using similar vowel sounds. In particular, you used words like "shimmer" ...

This stanza is kind of strange: I wish she would unlock herself so that I could peer into that unfortunate darkness that won’t seem to be cast away; not by ...

The rhyming is a little strange, but that may be me liking the standard ABAB format of poetry. :P One metaphor I didn't like, mostly because it bordered on ridiculousness ...

Heehee... I think the "lesson" the narrator gave the boy was a little long-winded and everything, but I especially liked the first part of the poem. As I've said before ...

It's not bad. The metering is sometimes off. That is, certain words don't seem to fit in right. For example: Sitting in a dark corner, Unable to move, The nightmare ...

Okay, first of all, I want to compliment you. By using the spellchecker, it made this story THAT much better. Instead of getting held up by fighting with grammar and ...