Yellow fields of sand stretched out and dominated the horizon; there were no dunes, dry dessert plants or insects to be seen. This dessert was completely flat with no hills or holes. The atmosphere in this area was too thick for life, the gravity would force any passer by to crawl, but there were never any passers by on Jupiter.
This could be said four minutes ago and be true, no passers by , but four minutes ago a ship from earth landed on the surface .from this ship a small boy dressed in a white astronaut soot stumbled out wearing an expression beyond proud.
“ this is it” he told himself “ all my life was designed for me to experience this moment” he stood on the last step of the ships stair case “ the first human to set foot on Jupiter” he said and then he stepped .
He half walked half crawled on the dry flat surface trying to fight the stong gravity. The orange sky was scared with thin red clouds , to Oscar this was not strange at all for he had never seen the blue skies of Earth . He was taken at birth to the ship and placed in a glass container were a machine raised him , fed him and taught him until he was seven and allowed out of the container. He was the chosen one , as the machine said so many times when he doubted purpose, he was the one to save man-kind by finding a new planet which would be habitable.
He stood now, not wanting to go too far from the ship which was Known to him as “the womb”. You would expect him do feel lonely , but for Oscar , being lonely was like bieng consious , always there and never fading. He stood gazing out, imagining The human race building houses and starting empires “ but first” he told himself “ the vital test” as these words were said panic took him, what if the machine was wrong , and Jupiter was not an oxygen planet .
He slowly lifted his hand to the glass helmet, he gripped the sticking out hinge and pushed up . For a second he held his breath, his heart beat like a clapping crowd, his face was hit with dry, strange wind and then he sucked in .
He fell to the floor within seconds , the acidic air had done it . He thrashed on the dirt spitting blood on the sand and gasping for air, but no air came . He then died a lonely death . A life that was filled with nothing other than a computer program for company ended.
The blood was absorbed by the earth . Over thousands of years it was broken down into DNA and proteins , they sank deep into the crust and found the ice seas of Jupiter, six million years pass and a tiny gland of life is born out of the remains of the boy’s blood, the life evolves as it happened in our world .
Mankind by now has been wiped out from its own doing; they had destroyed the planet by years of air poisoning , but far away, in Jupiter , life evolved to survive . and it was human life , from a human boy.
Man kind was given a second chance.
im sorry for using the c.r.a.p word but im going through the worst writers block ever and my work just seems like a jumble of poo no matter how i try and edit it. , and thanks firestarter your tips on research will hopefully be demostrated in the future. and thanks snoik , you always iddentiffy with what writers feel and stuff 
ps thankyou lamalama for taking your time to write a comment.
blob wrote:youre right , im a terrible writer but ill still try untill im told im crap.then ill just give up. thanks for bieng honest, ill take more time making sence of my crap stories.
blob wrote:youre right , im a terrible writer but ill still try untill im told im c***.then ill just give up. thanks for bieng honest, ill take more time making sence of my c*** stories.
I don't know if you were being sarcastic or not, but like I said, its an interesting idea. It just needs to be taken further. Don't put yourself down like that or you'll never improve. And grabbing for attention like that is by no means attractive either. Reactions like that will just push people away. Don't shade yourself from the truth, but don't let it get to you either.
i know im a terrible writer but thanks for bieng honest ( i know you didnt mestion annything about me bieng terrible) next time ill take more time making sence of my stories.
The first thing I noticed about this was the title. It doesn't have the kind of ring that titles need to have. It will be the first thing anyone sees, and this didn't make me want to read the rest.
The second thing was you said 'fields of desert' this doesn't make sense. Field implies grassy plains, beaming with life. Deserts tend to be devoid of anything that would make it a field. You probly want something different.
The next thing I noticed, after coming to terms with the fact that Juipiter is a gasious planet, but we've never seen the inside of it, so I can deal with that, was the lack of decent grammer. You have a period in the middle of a sentance and you lack in a few capital letters.
"He walked on the dry flat surface " But you just said the gravity was too great for anything to walk, it would force them to crawl.
You also say that his blood is absorbed the by 'earth.' This isn't earth, so it couldn't absorb it. Dirt, or sand is more apropriate.
I also had problems with the concept of his death. There could be other ways for him to die, and lead to your interesting ending. But I think most readers would assume that in an age where a ship has somehow managed to penitrate the thick stormy atmosphere of Jupiter, that we would still have simple devices to test for oxygen.
All in all you have an interesting concept. There are a few problems but they are easily weeded out. The way it closes is somewhat intriguing and is worth developing. I think you need a lot more detail, a lot more description of his life. All we know from this is the how and the where. The reader needs to know the answers to all basic questions. Who, what, where, when, why, and how all need to be answered before the story is interesting enough for a reader to devote time too.
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