Snoink

Mmmm... it's in a very old-fashioned style that I'm not really a fan of (it's not your fault, really), so I won't waste your time talking about that, letting one ...

Heheh, I see what you mean. ;) The main thing about this is it looks like a morality poem, complete with a message and unafraid of screwing the message into ...

Ooo... I did like this. Yes, it is fragmented, but it's done in such a good way...! I shall tell you why I liked it line by line and hopefully ...

Hello and welcome to YWS! :D With that said, I think your poem could stand some revision. It's not that the idea is bad -- I've read some very good ...

Hello and welcome to YWS! :D I'm just going to run through your poem and hope that my comments might help you (and who knows -- maybe garner up more ...

Ahhh... this is a much better poem, I think, then the first one I critiqued. This one is different because it uses specific imagery and doesn't pretend to say anything ...

Hello and welcome to YWS! :D Falling out of love is like Falling from an airplane; For some reason, I don't really like simlies in poetry. Instead, I would rather ...

Fun stuff! We always love a nice story about S&M, right? :P Anyway! One thing I thought was weird was that the guy really didn't seem like he was 23 ...

If you want to save time, you could always use spell checker on YWS to get everything pretty. ^_^ Because, if you want to get any good critiques, most times ...

Oh dear... this is an old poem, LOL. Anyway, it's not just the details, but rather how the details are strategically placed. For instance, I can say that the grass ...

l put off reading this at firsts but now l wish l hadn't. This is really awesome stuff, Gummy. I thought it was a little gory too, but still! Amazing ...

It's too... overdone. Like, I know that this is poetry, but it is narrative poetry and that means that the story has to be just as strong as the poem, ...

DUDE. “You deprived me, and now you're going to pay for it," he said, lowering himself to her, "Make any noise, and I swear to God I'll kill you,” Tears ...

Two lines I have problems with... you're killing me on the inside It's never the end of the road The reason why I have this problem is most of the ...

Hehehe, this was fun. :D Just a small suggestion... instead of calling it "IT" maybe you can treat it as a name and calling it "It." ...that had too many ...