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Young Writers Society



Rain

by Mau-able


Sometimes you have to be brave,
and let things fall where they will.
It's not yours to decide
how this night will be.

But sometimes you have to be brave
enough to stop the worrying,
that keeps you further from the place you're heading.

And the rain will come!
You can't stop that or hurry it up.
Bury the guilt.
It's not your fault,
Of everything he did.
In need of a time apart.

I don't want to risk anything.
I'm standing still.
I'll be right here when you come to find me.

Control is comforting.

Maybe I should be running.
If I controlled anything,
I'd be scared of the place that I'd be.
But I'll thank you for saving me.

When the time is right,
I swear my day will come.
The sweetest storm will blow through this town,
carrying us out.

So, take a look around
and see how it's coming down.
To wash your blood and bone from the inside out.

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558 Reviews

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Thu May 24, 2007 1:22 pm
Matt Bellamy wrote a review...



It is rather vague, in some places I'm not really sure what you're talking about. Also I didn't like "wanna", might sound better if you change it to "want to"? It wasn't bad, but perhaps made better by having a stronger, continuous theme, and a little less vague. Keep writing.




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Thu May 24, 2007 7:10 am
Snoink wrote a review...



Hello and welcome to YWS! :D

I'm just going to run through your poem and hope that my comments might help you (and who knows -- maybe garner up more comments?). Anyway!

Stanza one, I thought, was a little weak, not because it was written in a bad way, but because it addressed "you" too much. I don't know about you, but I don't really like being addressed as "you" by a narator because it seems like the author is disconnected from me. Instead, if I am directly involved in the poem, I would rather let the narrator introduce himnself to me by showing me who he is and then talking about me.

For stanza two, I thought it was a little too vague. "It's not your fault/everything he did" doesn't say anything to me personally, and that's not good. Instead, be more specific about what I am going through and it will be better.

I love stanza three. It brings in the narrator and me and combines us in a figurative embrace of trust and love. That's nice. :)

Anyway, hope that helps! :D





Il faut imaginer Sisyphe heureux (One must imagine Sisyphus happy).
— Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus