SereneSimpliciT

Oh, well that was kind of depressing haha Now, even though I no longer dance, I can understand how the girl in this poem feels. I recently had a throat ...

I would change the name to "Glasses" Glass infers reflections and mirrors, but you're dealing with more blurring and vision. Now, in terms of story, I actually really like this, ...

Ok, right off the bat: Why do you just start it off with synonyms of illusions? The problem I have with this piece in particular is that fact that instead ...

So I couldn't tell if this was just a regular poem, or if these are lyrics to song. Well, either way, I'm very impressed. I actually just broke up with ...

How old is this? I'm curious haha Alright, so in terms of technicality, there are a few things I'd suggest fixing if you plan on editing this at all. The ...

Uh . . . did she commit suicide at the end? Well, that was . . . well, depressing. I'm honestly just kinda in shock at the moment. Wow. Uh, ...

That last line was fantastic!!! For anyone who really knows the story Jesus, that is very clever, putting in that little bit of information correlating to when he was betrayed. ...

In honor of the fact that you did this for your boyfriend, I review! "Chose" should be "choose" (you did it right in the second part of the line XD) ...

Alright, I have one thing to say to you right off the bat; you need to rephrase this. The lines make absolutely no sense as is, and make the rhythm ...

I was going to question why you hadn't titled this Chapter 1, but now after reading all of it, I see that it's because you combined it with the prologue ...

Why is this in paragraph form? That is the first question that popped into my mind when I first saw this. I mean, I'm aware that poetry is a free ...

Ok, I'm going to start off with a few tips. Check your sentence structure. You have many sentences, such as "When did you come?" and "I'll help you to find." ...

I adore this. Plain and simple. The way you write poetry is vastly different than the style I normally see around Young Writer's Society, so it is nice to see. ...

I'm legit going to write my reactions because I found it kinda funny XD "I stand tall viewing buildings with gunshots filling my eardrums and feeling alive." -Ok, cool, basic ...

Well this is short XD I had read this before you had actually begun to change it, so yay, I can compare! LOL Overall, I think what you're doing now ...