The World Danced By

Oh, well that was kind of depressing haha

Now, even though I no longer dance, I can understand how the girl in this poem feels. I recently had a throat illness that made it very hard for me to speak, and it took out my singing voice entirely. Singing is one of my favorite activities, very close to writing and drawing, so when I couldn't sing, I felt awful, because I missed it so much.
Now, if it was eternal, like you kinda point at with your narrator, I would've fallen apart, just as she does.
That's a positive for you. You're very good at capturing the real emotion that would occur in a person. A lot of people have trouble putting such feeling into their work, but you seem to do it almost flawlessly, so I commend you for that.
I only have one issue, and that has to do with rhythm. You're rhyming in this, which is nice to see once in a while, 'cause I feel like everyone is trying so hard to break the form that now rhyme is outside of it in a way XD
Though, you don't start rhyming until stanza two . . . why? Why didn't you rhyme the first stanza?
Also, you use AABB, which personally, I feel is weird. I don't know why, but I've never been very comfortable with the meter AABB sets up, so that's just a personal nit-pic
I hope to see more from you ^^
~Maddie

Nick here to review:

This poem will probably stay in my mind for a little, as the seem less use of metaphor worked beautifully. I did take not to the tense issue in the line mentioned bekow, but it certainly did not detract from the meaning of the poem.

All in all I think this poem was beautifully written.

I look forward to reading some more of your poems.

Check out some of mind if you ever have a chance.

Hi prati. I'm Eveningstar and I'm here to review your poem.

Okay, so let's begin.

Firstly, the theme of your poem is quite unique, and yet universal in a way that most of us (even non-dancers) can relate to it quite easily. That is my favourite feature of this poem. It talks about a specific person (the dancer) and her problems, in a way that makes it universally relatable to all readers. We can all understand and sympathize with the pain of no longer being able to do something that we used to love doing. The dancer's feelings of helplessness and futility as she watches the world dancing around her, unable to join in, resonates with all people everywhere. A dancer who can no longer dance - what an exceptional theme for a poem! Very well done on that account!

Such a strange feeling it was
To not get up and move
Lose control in her groove

she lets let out a sigh
As she watched the world dance by