Ronald559

There are a few gray hairs accompanying the red. Take out, there are. It's much easier to read without it. It's holding the sentence down. “You need to re-dye your ...

ONE MORE DOWN IS WHERE THE REVIEW BEGINS. Second part of the review. The daughters. Careful not to be to cliche with them. Smart one dumb one. Give them more ...

Wow surprised because you actually did okay with Gatsby. Haven't read Salinger yet. Once you said Gatsby I had to read because I know a lot about the Fitzgeralds. A ...

(*q)Like he has been possessed by an angry demon.(q*) Or "Like he's been possessed by an angry demon." (*q)It didn’t seem like a hard exchange(q*) The son seems more like ...

Suggestion: take out sudden from the first line. It could work without it. Not a big deal though. (*q)The plane lurched again. Sarah screamed. Gary reached for her, pulling her ...

It's hard to critique poetry, because it's more personal I'd say. I really liked your title though. It has a vague meaning, and I wonder you meant when you used ...

Good intro. One thing in the intro, a small thing you SHOULD fix. I capitalize it because I like your story. And this tiny thing is just another thing to ...

"The whistle blew hard as the tunnel became closer and closer. Kasza stood up and faced the wind, but he did not duck." or The whistle blew hard as the ...

You have a very funny story here. The comments are saying its confusing, I disagree. I didn't try to understand it. I just read, and it was pretty comical. I ...

Delete all the asterisks. Though my own body had no significant faults, I had always ached to look like Ella, who had once been beautiful, a gem both humbling and ...

Why is the first paragraph in italics? The first paragraph is a little confusing. Who is the mysterious man at the end? Is it intended to be death, and is ...

In this great piece you've got... "No, bad dog, bad Elijah." It was really awful to read, it jumps out of the page in a bad way. You should find ...

Hey, my name was Merah. No your name is Merah. It means red in english. Even english is a dead language in your story, you wouldn't say "sic transit gloria," ...

"for a flashlight?" Take this out, and instead just make her smart. So she whips out her phone and turns it on for the light. Are you religious? "his girlfriend ...

"The move from everyday suburbia to a sleepy rural village was beginning to have an adverse effect on Lily, although she knew in her heart that the enforced change was ...