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Re: Early Retirement
Hello EthanHoover! Great to be reviewing this piece here. You've got something really great here! I am excited to see where it goes. It truly feels like the beginning of ...
Jun 11, 2018 -
Re: Addictive
Wow, what an amazing snippet. This scene has definitely provoked my interest and thirst for more of the mysterious Catherine and Philip’s life. From the beginning, you set the stage ...
Jun 19, 2016 -
Re: Payement
Hi there, @rl320 ! First, I want to just praise you for stepping outside of the box with such a unique character! You chose to write about lore that not ...
Jun 14, 2016 -
Re: Dare not Blame God For Everything...
We blame God for almost everything. There is one thing which we are unaware of. God has left 50% of all the tasks in our hands. To whom are you ...
Jun 14, 2016 -
Re: The Banging
That was a nice vignette. It had all the right components of speed (but just enough to keep up with what was going on), clarity, and suspense. I can really ...
Jun 11, 2016 -
Re: A Feelings Story by Fartman42
What an interesting vignette. I feel like the power of creativity within you has surpassed any that any human being has experienced before. The fact that you ask multiple questions ...
Oct 2, 2015 -
Re: The Adventures of Jake and Isabelle (chapter 1)
hi there @Tommybear! I think this is a good start. You do a good job of keeping the mood "giddy" because everyone is so enthusiastic about everything. I think that ...
Apr 1, 2015 -
Re: Flowers Everlasting * EDITED PLEASE REVIEW*
Hello, The beginning sequence is overwhelming because of the poem. A rule of thumb for opening a story is to always keep it short and sweet. You may perhaps consider ...
Mar 22, 2015 -
Re: The Heist (Part 2/5)
First off, let's I can already see what's happening here. You are trying to be wordy, without being wor dy , so to speak. What that means is that you ...
Jan 17, 2015 -
Re: The Planets are Dancing, The People are Dying- Prologue
Hello @Bumpeh! What an exciting opener for a story. As @kymorhens mentioned, your dialogue does have a way of really putting the reader into the shoes of the characters. It ...
Jan 17, 2015 -
Re: Books, a Boy and Some Other Things: A literacy Narrative
Hi leftofcenter (cool name btw)! Let me start by saying the experience you describe in this essay is truly amazing. To grow up and thrive in community such as your ...
Jan 17, 2015 -
Re: The Land of Opportunity
Hello there, First of all, let's talk about that thesis. To even have a good topic sentence (or essay for that matter) , one must first have a good thesis. ...
Oct 25, 2014 -
Re: Please wait, don't grow up yet
Hi, this is a beautifully designed piece. The images are beautiful . With all that said, there isn't enough for me to love it yet. Here's why: It's almost trying ...
Oct 25, 2014 -
Re: #shehatestwitter
Hi there, I like this piece. It's a contemporary piece, it got me wondering why you wrote it (perhaps a reflection of a recent experience, i presume?) I like that ...
Oct 13, 2014 -
Re: Terror In High School- Chapter 1
Hello, What a suspenseful opener you have here! You use an active vocabulary, and you set the reader up to believe that something godawful is going on here because of ...
Oct 12, 2014
