A Feelings Story by Fartman42

Hi!
I loved the title and that's what attracted me, so here I am!
Man, was this a short short-story.


Ok, so, this story feels literally like this character has a problem, they fix it, problem solved. You don't really see a lot of stories like that, so good job on that. It was humorous, so that's a good thing (considering I found this in the humor section).

I do feel that you could have used paragraphing. I would be easier to read that way, considering how I was a bit lost on my first time reading this. Of course, if you were to paragraph this the way I would if I were to paragraph your entire work, it would end up looking more like a poem than a story.... So.... But "THE END!!!" should really be paragraphed more than anything.

About your fifth sentence........ There's a tense thing (I think) wrong with it. It should probably be along the lines of:
"I once felt sad, so someone said, "Yeah, that's totally a feeling,""
or
"Whenever I feel sad, someone tells me, "Yeah, that's totally a feeling,""
or something.
But those don't exactly look right, either. Maybe you should talk about who this 'someone' is. Are they your aunt? Your best friend? Your gym teacher? Your therapist? Your goldfish? A pigeon you found outside of a 50's restaurant? Your refrigerator?
Or maybe you could also explain why you were feeling sad.
These little things can really add a boost to your story.
(Still on the topic of the same sentence) I've also notice some grammatical errors (I'll just put it in point form so we both don't get confused):
-the whole sentence should be a new paragraph;
-there should be a comma after 'said' (before the dialogue);
-the Y in 'yeah' should be capitalised;
-and the period should be inside the quotation marks, not after.

My last picky-grammar-thing is:
-there should be a comma after 'so' (So I guess I do feel feelings).








Ok, this could make a really good longer story. Maybe about a person who isn't a person who wants to discover what these 'feelings' that everyone keeps talking about are. It'd make a killer story.

That's it, thank you for your time,

Holographic Ladybug




.P.S. Maybe (for effect reasons) your first word should be a sentence all on it's own.
Good job!

This is beautiful, truly a blessing of literature. I understand your questions, but I only understand them partly. This is a mystery, if I know any!

Hello, and WELCOME TO YWS!!!!!!
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Uhh... What...? Ok well that was a short story.... It made me laugh. BECAUSE I LAUGHED AT NOT KNOWING WHAT TO COMMENT ON IT! Who did which parts? Because I see that it is a colaborational work.
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NITPICKS:
Add a comma after the No in "No its not, but maybe it is.

I would add "but then again" so that the sentence looks like this:

"No, its not. But then again, maybe it is!" But thats just my opinion. Its fine the way it is, I just think if you wrote it that way it would sound better.

"Sometimes I feel sad, and somebody said "yeah thats totally a feeling".

You should probably switch around the period, capitalize the 'y' in yeah, and add a comma before the first quotation marks and after the "yeah" so it looks like this:

"Sometimes I feel sad, and somebody said, "Yeah, thats totally a feeling."

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OTHER: I still feel like the "Sometimes I feel sad, and somebody said, "Yeah, thats totally a feeling."
sentence seems a bit wrong. It doesn't flow. But i can't figure out what word or phrase should go in there to make it flow. So if I don't know, how can I expect you to? Also, why is it that at the beginning of the story you don't really know what feelings are, but later in the story you know that you sometimes FEEL sad. Everybody knows that sadness is a feeling. If you don't know, honestly please go watch "Inside Out!" Otherwise good job! I am curious to see more of your work, seeing as you are a new member! I hope you enjoy it here as much as I do!!!!
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~Basia77201

What an interesting vignette.

I feel like the power of creativity within you has surpassed any that any human being has experienced before. The fact that you ask multiple questions makes me question the existence of humanity. The content of the questions, though when initially read seem menial in nature, actually tackle the largest questions humanity has ever asked itself. "Feelings, what are they?" I often find myself asking the same question when I encounter difficult situations such as waking up in the morning, or doing simple tasks, such as eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

"Sometimes I feel hungry..." I do as well. The fact that you have woven this common activity within your vignette brings about the most astounding ideas and philosophies about life. "...Is that a feeling?" I wonder if Socrates asked himself the same question.

I noticed that you have decided to end your story with three passionate exclamation points. This quirk, not only does it express excitement, but it brings about even more questions. Is it really the end? Did this "somebody" open the floodgates of possibility for what defining what feelings are and even what hunger can be? Or is it all just a figment of our imagination? Is hunger real? Are feelings real? Am I real?

What

Does

It

All

Mean?

Good piece. Keep it up.

This story made me lose 10 pounds - New York journal