And on comes he a spritely fellow.
He seeks the maiden true and fair
For in her heart she holds
Such a treasure beyond compare
A compassion long foretold…
This is the poem that began a story of the truest friendship known in Ireland. Young Licel was writing this sweet melody one crisp sprig day. She was greatly mesmerized by the delicate swish of the pen on the paper but still lacked the inspiration to complete the song. A gust of wind ripped it from petite hands and far down the road.She would have lost it had a boy, not much older than she, caught it midflight, embarking them on a journey that would change the way people saw the world.
For now though, the writing was quickly forgotten and tucked away as the two conversed and shared the joys of each other’s company. Short little chats became long talks as the two became the best of friends. Eric would often come over on rainy days to bring her flowers and enjoy her mother’s sweet jams and teas. It was on days like these that her mother would teach lessons about the land from which they came.
She told them that the sweetest things in life would always fade away for not even flowers were forever. Every life had a spring, when it was born, a summer, when it was young, a fall, when it was older, and a winter to mark the end of its life. She said this was the way of the world and it was in this way that people could truly learn to appreciate the things they cherished. There would have to be an everlasting beauty unlike any other to alter such universal rules.
Licel came to love pink roses most for their resemblance to her mother; light pink to represent her tender heart and wise ways. Luckily for her, the luscious plant was abundant in her little town. She and Eric would take to picking them by the dozen when they were in full bloom and arranging them in spectacular bouquets.
Eric’s father would tell the children wondrous Norse tales from his voyages that would both frighten and inspire them. The greatest of all of these was perhaps that of the princess and her Isbjorn. Countless times they would pretend to be the princess and the polar bear. Licel would always rescue Eric from the evil troll queen thus turning him into a man for all eternity. These were precious times when their lives were still young and their hearts full of innocence.
The children had much fun making believe and exploring every nook and cranny of the forest nearby. However, such novelties come to pass with age and school but the magic remained.
Now the Sunday afternoons were filled with lessons and practice. Eric proved to be quite the mathematician, far exceeding even his father .Ever the optimist he was always smiling and cracking jokes. Every time Licel saw him he had come up with some other whimsical way to make her grin. It would often be the case that his witticisms were so intricate she couldn’t follow and would simply nod and smile to humor his enthusiasm.
Licel became an avid writer, she would always be found humming a tune or scribbling a new story. She relished in her quality time with nothing but pen, paper, and lute. Her greatest pleasure though came from writing in her journal about all the sweet times she spent with her mischievous companion and how he’d always remember to bring her flowers on rainy days.
Eric and Licel fell effortlessly into a daily routine of escapades after lessons. Being the curious duo that they were, they stumbled on a secluded stream which would be the place for many hours of their free time.
This too came to pass in the years following. Licel was finally of marrying age and it thrust upon her a great many new chores. Her father was constantly trying to pair her up with the most successful apprentices in the kingdom. Her mother was always occupying her time with sewing, cooking, and other things becoming of a wife.
However, she had no intention to wait on snotty suitors for hours at a time. They were all selfish and depressing, far different from her caring demeanor. She quite enjoyed coming up with new excuses to evade her parents and their company. After she had slipped out under some ludicrous pretense she would steal away with Eric to their hideout.
It was the winter of that year that tragedy befell the fair lass and her father.A howling blizzard had swallowed what semmed to be all of Ireland but Licel’s family was safe inside their house. Suddenly they heard a dreadful howl from the barn which could only have been the family cat. Her mother rushed out into the torrent in hopes to save the poor tabby before it had gotten to intense. Against starting odds, she was successful.
It wasn’t until the following day that the real calamity surfaced. Her mother journeyed to town to get the cat looked over after the nights events. She was never to return. Witnesses told the grieving family that she must have been walking to close to the ravine when she slipped and fell into the depths below.
The sweet rose had finally faded from the world. Licel grieved for weeks and promised herself she would keep her mother alive in her writings. Her father however was never the same again.
He took to flogging the farm animals and putting Licel to work whenever she had free time. He would constantly tell her that she would never be an acceptable wife if she spent all her time marking up her journal. The extra work did kept her mind off of her troubles though she longed to have the freedom she once did. Her relationship with Eric was ever the same however, and they treasured what time they could get together even more.
Her father had had enough though. He took her aside one day send told her that her behavior was fitting of a child, not a marry able woman. He swore that if she could not find a man capable of preventing flowers from wilting he would marry her off to the son of the alchemist. This wouldn’t been such a cruel a fate if he were not the most unbearable fool in all of Ireland. He was ruthless and ignorant, though he came from a highly wealthy family. Her life was rapidly spiraling into an abyss from which there was no return.
She snuck away that night to see Eric about what her father had so heartlessly proclaimed. He also said it was outrageous and such things could only be achieved by great magic from the tales of their childhood. They both decided the only way for her to be free was to leave Ireland the next morning. Yet destiny again took the reigns.
Licel’s father had followed her and caught her scheming with Eric and forbid them to see each other again. Her betrayal had enraged him and he announced that the wedding was to be in three days’ time. Even her father said it’d take a god or a miracle to stop her union to the alchemist’s son.
For three excruciating days there was nothing. Nothing in Licel’s heart, nothing in her mind, nothing in her world… nothing that would make her smile or laugh the way her dear friend had. She realized that there was never and never will be a man with his cheerful demeanor and carefree personality. She was lost and alone and needed him now more than ever before.
The only time she had ever seen him cry was three nights ago when her father made the awful call for the wedding. Today her heart would truly die because he had been the guiding light for her all these years. Now there bond would be forever severed and the pages of their story would be lost to the wind with the petals of fallen roses. She swore to never again write another verse after the agonizing ceremony.
With the help of her maid she slipped into a lovely white gown, it would have made her glow if she had not been so doleful. She walked slowly down the stairs wondering if this was truly to be her life. Her father greeted her with shining eyes and said he couldn’t express the delight he felt for her on this wonderful day. He linked her arm in his and accompanied her out the door and into the yard where the ceremony was to take place.
In the far corner a flutist started playing her mother’s favorite song, and a single isle was marked with white rose petals. She thought this was fitting because pink without color and life is a listless white. She spied her husband to be who stood next to the town priest smiling callously. It was as though time had slowed. Step by step she drew closer and closer. Inch by inch she felt heart ache heaped on more heart ache. She wondered why she was even alive, why she even had hope.
Suddenly, a man on a brilliant white mustang came crashing through the alter. The horse whinnied as it was abruptly pulled to a halt before the lovely Licel. Astride it was Eric.
He announced proudly that he had done it, he had stilled the icy grip of time and preserved a flower in all its splendor. In his hand he produced a single silver dipped rose which would never die, or wilt, or fade. With this he hopped of the horse and presented it to Licel’s father.
He was awestruck, then he started crying. Her father said it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and it reminded him of his wife who had never been far from his heart. It seemed to Licel that all her father’s hardness and strife melted away before her. He could now make peace and accept that some true beauty never dies, its memory just has to be preserved. She knew now that her mother would never truly be dead to her or her father.
In the midst of this Eric got down on one knee and produced a single pink rose from his other hand. He pronounced his unfaltering love for Licel and asked for her hand in marriage. He told her he had always loved her and knew deep in his heart that true friendship like theirs could withstand the test of time and overcome any obstacle before them. With her father’s blessing they were to be wed in a week with a grand celebration!
A few years later Licel was cleaning the attic when she found that fateful poem long forgotten. She now knew the perfect way to sum up her verse.
Flowers dip and trees turn yellow
And on comes he a spritely fellow.
He seeks the maiden true and fair
For in her heart she holds
Such a treasure beyond compare
A compassion long foretold.
Together they’d be the best of friends
He’d free her from all her woes
With a love so endless and sweet
And a single silver dipped rose.
Flowers bloom and trees sprout green
A lovelier couple will never be seen.
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It's a really interesting story, and the poem is very nice!
Although I think you should change the phrase "flowers DIP". I mean, it just doesn't make sense. Maybe you could write "Flowers wither or Flowers wilt".
Just my opinion.
Overall, the story was good! And different, for a change. And the title is very nice.
Keep it up!
Mysticalxx
The text is in bold and, thus, distracting. I’d suggest you to change it, though it’s only a personal preference. If it’s in bold for a specific reason, by all means, keep it as it is. I liked the structure of your story, i.e. the first half of the poem used in the beginning and the rest in the end; it made the story look coherent. Just to put it out there, I also loved your poem. It’s very sweet!
Honestly speaking, you have a natural talent. Your writing style is simple, yet engaging, especially when it’s combined with your extensive vocabulary. This short story followed a clear beginning>middle>end path, so that’s another plus point! I also loved your concept about everlasting flower representing that memories can also be always cherished. It was also nice to see the innocent friendship Lincel and Eric’s shared. Beautiful story!
Overall, interesting story! Your efforts have paid off, my dear.
Very well done, and keep writing!
Thanks so much
No problem!
Hi Dear Speakerskat!!
This is Eros here!!!
I really loved this one. It was really great! It has moved me. You hane won my heart. You are a real, talented and a wonderful artist. You have proved yourself by writing "Flowers Everlasting". I did not know you can write so romantic stuff. This one is full of romance. It took me to a drive towards a world of fantacy. For a moment, I felt as if I am not in my house, but on the scene in your story. It happened with me many a times while reading your beautiful story.
I enjoyed reading it. We want more such stuffs from you.Please continue writing because we all love reading them..
Nice job!
Good luck!!
Thanks so much ! I am writing a lot right now but I am entering them in a poetry competition so I won't be able to post them for awhile </3
Nice work. This has some potential. My biggest suggestion would be to go back and re-read it. There were a few silly spelling mistakes that an editing run could easily fix. Also, I had a bit of an issue with sentence fluency. It seemed that in passages closer to the middle, everything was happening too fast and was becoming too chaotic. Remember, take your time when writing a story. You don't want a jumbled mess. I love how you managed to incorporate beautiful poetry into a short story! A great idea of yours! I also simply liked the tale itself. I find myself having a thing for romance.
Keep on writing. The more you do, the better you'll become.
I fixed it how is it now
If you think it's great, then that's what it is.
Aww this is to sweet! I really like this!
Really my only complaint is the fa de da da da. That part is a little unnecessary, honestly. Otherwise, this is a really romantic story. The ending is great. How he proposes, yes. Every great love story should end like this, and it does! Congratulations, you have achieved an amazing romantic story. I want to read more of your work. Don't 've up and always write speakerskat!
-CaptainSaltWater
Agreed the poem needs work . How would you suggest I get the song song rhythm in my readers mind ? Being such a great poet yourself
I fixed it how is it now
Hello,
The beginning sequence is overwhelming because of the poem. A rule of thumb for opening a story is to always keep it short and sweet. You may perhaps consider starting it this way,
With this passage, I am showing you to step out of your normal boundaries. Get as creative as possibly not just by using plot and themes, but by using your pages as a canvas, decorate the page with the words you place there. (How you do this is by examining your own actions. What are some idiosyncrasies you have that might help you write a story? Think about the oddest habits you have, then think about how you might apply that to a character.)
What is the "Fa da de..." for? Is it just a place holder, there for "effect"? I see no significant use of it, unless you were trying to make the reader achieve a specific beat while reading your poem... If that is correct, then I would seek a different avenue to get your reader to understand your meter. You can try making up words and such, like Shakespeare did.
The pacing of the story is a bit too fast. If you noticed in the passage I made for you, I gave you some room to slow down. Notice how everything in that passage can be seen, heard, felt, and touched. It is as if one is breathing with Young Licel. They follow her thought processes as well (demonstrated through her actions). What factors come into play for Licel? If this were happening on a stage, what would it look like, feel like, sound like, etc? Think of these things whenever you write.
I think if you tried slowing the pace of this piece, it'd be much easier to read. That's all I have for now. Feel free to completely disregard all of my advice and do your own thing. But if you just so happen to take my advice, please, let me see the work! I would love to see an updated version of this work.
Either way,
Keep writing. Happy writing. Good writing.
That passage you wrong IS how I write I made all this short because people said I was to descriptive ....
I fixed it how is it now
I'll check it in a bit!
Hold up... Did I write that passage in my comment?
Yeah I think so ?
Ok, lol. It's been awhile since I have been on here.
Hi, there!
I loved the metaphor, here, with the flowers and seasons representing people and life. It was simply beautiful. I loved the song, too, except a couple of likes could be redone, as they're in many songs already or other nursery rhymes, or something.
BesideS that, the only criticism I have to offer is this:
It doesn't really make sense to me, so she's ill, and then she just dies? A specific illness might be mentioned, or perhaps why she died so quickly? I just feel like this was way to rushed, one minute they were at the water, the next her mother is dead. >.<
This was a cute little story, and it teaches friendship so well! I loved it, please keep writing!
~ EternalRain
Wow thanks I was worried and good point I'll be sure to revise that ! About the song what specifically ? I want to submit this to the literary journal .
"Such a treasure beyond compare"
I feel like that's a little overused maybe? I'm really not all that sure.
I don't know.
Yeah I've also noticed the begenning of the story is rushed I am gonna probably double everything's legnth
Yes, that might be good. Good luck! ^.^
I fixed it how is it now
Awesome!