Meep

Scorpius. I mentioned this in your last draft, I think: Draco Malfoy's son is named Scorpius. With a "us," not an "o." Now that I've gotten that out of the ...

This is so sweet. It reminds me of Snow Patrol's song, Chasing Cars . The sentiment is just so sweet and romantic, it's so nice to read. That being said, ...

I like it. It was creepy and bizarre and surreal. Although you didn't go into detail about the bear with one eye, it was really vivid imagery and I can ...

But still there’s no sense on the screen Wipe the slate clean I really like this line, and the last ("The writer is writing" through "a poem"). :D The line ...

Wow, I have no idea what's going on here. This poem reminds me of the song "Psycho Street," only without the skin-crawling creepiness. It's trippy and disjointed, which I'm assuming ...

It's good that you've got a beat and some rhyming, which is more than I can do. However, there were a few lines that threw of the rhythm of the ...

I kept waiting for this to get interesting, but it really didn't. I'm having a hard time even coming up with a review/critique. It wasn't, like, eye-sporkingly bad or anything, ...

Try not to start stories with descriptions of the weather. It's like an awkward conversation, where you run out of things to talk about. It's a classic stumbling point like ...

bviously, there will be some grammatical errors, but all that aside, I hope you all like it! Yikes, that's not a good way to get the reader's attention. There's only ...

I don't think you've introduced yourself properly, so welcome to YWS. I like how you use the line shape, and not just the words. It's an interesting, and underused, concept. ...

His name isn't Scorpio. It's Scorpius. Anyway, why would Rosie be told not to talk to Scorpius? I got the impression that, while Harry and Ron would never be friends ...

Speaking as a role player more than a poet, I don't think this sounds like something Snape would have written. I think the sentiment is right (more or less, but ...

I think it's an interesting concept. Computer hacking wizards? Beautiful. That being said, I think there's a lot of things that could be improved. The dialogue seems stiff and unnatural, ...

Intro I think the concept is an interesting one. I hope that you return to explore/investigate the prison, or whatever it is, in greater detail later on. I wanted to ...

I don't have time to finish reading this right now, but I will later. The thing I want to mention, though, is that she goes from being the goddess of ...