Liz

I thought the rhyme was quite forced in place, especially at the beginning. I also think it's clear this hasn't been edited - some of the lines are clearly non ...

Great work, I really enjoyed this. I especially love the way you pinpoint specific events and seemingly unimportant experiences to make them important to the reader. The dialogue also works ...

Well, firstly your rhyming is very forced. Rhyme can be amazing if you get it right, but it can also drag your whole poem down if you get it wrong. ...

Very nice. I especially liked the first stanza, you've got some forceful imagery in there. I think maybe the second stanza could use some simplification, maybe condense your unique ideas ...

Not bad, I like the atmosphere you create. One thing I think would make this piece more effective would be if you went a bit easier on the adjectives - ...

Poetry shouldn't seem like an echo of something you'd say on the phone, it's about heightened emotion and using heghtened language to convey it. Your line breaks don't really mean ...

I love the place you're coming from. Try to make this sound a little less of a rant though, let the reader in a bit. You don't need exclamation marks ...

I think you fall back too much on cliches, which doesn't force the reader to think about what you really mean, or to feel some sort of impact. Your last ...

True, but if the reader has a feeling that the poem is dragging on, it definitely detracts from the overall meaning that you want them to get out of the ...

Not bad, but I think it could do with a bit of imagery just to spice things up a bit. I would pick this to shreds but I see what ...

Not bad, but I agree with Chevy, you need to work on your imagery and the stanzas did get a little boring. Try to bring in some new ideas and ...

I love this. It flows really well; each word and line seems to rush into the other. One thing: "and streetwise poetboys –that spout the" I think it would be ...

I really like this. Again you've managed to create a wonderfully original piece with a good backing idea. However, I reckon this one could flow a little better, especially at ...

I like it, but there were a few little things that would make it even better. "novels onto the ceiling until your fingernails cry" "On" instead of "onto" would make ...

I like this. There were some problems with the flow, in the last stanza and in the lines: "about the way you hold yourself in others' eyes because they don't ...