I run toward the light,
Always pushing toward the edge of the darkness,
Looking for a chance to be seen,
A chance to finally step out of the shadow that engulfs me.
To be known for who I am,
Not who I’m related to.
Until now, the darkness has been comforting,
A cave to hide in, where insults don't dare search for me,
Where I'm known by another’s reputation.
But I'm fed up with hiding in the dark,
So I make myself try harder, run faster, jump farther,
Searching for the attention that is lost on that silhouetted figure
I try another direction,
A different challenge,
One that he hasn't yet tried to overcome,
And I reach the shadow’s edge,
To momentarily bask in that dimmer light.
Then, darkness again overcomes the brightness,
And I see how far behind I've fallen.
So once again, I sprint toward the light.
Until I realize that he's stopped,
And I see his face looking back,
Almost as if waiting for me to catch up.
I keep going, and a grin crosses my face.
Then, when I get close enough to threaten his place in the sun,
He pushes toward that distant light again.
And I continue to try persevere,
Each of us forcing the other to be better than we are.
So I continue to run on...
Tired of living in my brother's shadow.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
i like it and i can really relate to it. Ive never heard ashlee simpson but i know most music like that is crap. however, i thought this seemed real and heartfelt if a bit cliche; it could use some stronger imagery but other than that i think its good. one line really bugged me though:
then, darkness again overcomes the brightness..."
i think you should replace "brightness" with light. im not sure brightness is a word, it sounds kinda weird.
i dont mean to sound harsh though, i did like this!! keep writing!! by the way, i like your avvie, its really, umm... unique
Not bad, but I agree with Chevy, you need to work on your imagery and the stanzas did get a little boring. Try to bring in some new ideas and issues with each stanza. Basically, everything you say is said in the first stanza. The following stanzas repeat what you said there, so try to brighten each one up a bit, don't run around in circles.
whether you believe it or not, I've never heard that song... others by her, yes, but not that one.
Yeah...the list of 'popular' music I've heard is kinda pathetic
So I'll have to go listen to that lol
Thanks for the comments though.
Imagery is somethin I really have to work on...
I'm really sorry that you live in the shadow of your brother but this poem was practically a re-make of Ashlee Simpon's Shadow. But I don't know. Perhaps that's what you were going for.
"I keep going, and a grin crosses my face.
Then, when I get close enough to threaten his place in the sun,
He pushes toward that distant light again.
And I continue to try persevere,
Each of us forcing the other to be better than we are.
So I continue to run on... "
This stanza was probably the best. However the rest was kind of boring and a little cliche. It might be a lot of work editing the entire poem but next time, try to incooperate some imagery. Read Incadescence, Firestarter, and Caligula's Launderette's poetry. The three of them are very good examples of writing poetry with imagery.
Even though I practically said the poem sucked, don't be discouraged....I've seen much worse. At lease you didn't force rhymes. : )