I had two best friends,
One of which I loved.
These two best friends met,
And began dating.
I couldn't see what she saw in him!
I still cannot.
She says that she still loves me,
That she would be with me if I was close.
She says she wants to be friends.
She says she wants things to be good again.
She doesn't want to break up with him,
And, trust me, our friendship before would have ended THAT relationship.
She says that we can still have fun.
Wants me to change.
Can I change?
I hate change.
Yet I love her.
They can't date forever, can they?
It's already been too long.
I'm ruining this relationship,
Though I want it to be strong.
I miss all the good times we had,
yet these good times would be considered cheating.
No, we never made out.
And I only got the courage to kiss her one night.
Does the other stuff count?
She said she knew we couldn't date,
I always wondered why.
We always got along fine.
Now, this sucks.
I had two best friends,
And now? I have none.
I miss her. I miss hanging with him.
I just hate seeing them together.
It burns and hurts me.
I wish I could quit.
And tell her that I hate her.
But the truth is...
I still love her.
I want to hang out with her, be the way we were.
She wants to hang out with me, but have a different friendship.
I hate change,
I can't stand change.
She wants change.
But for her....can change be possible?
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Yeah sorry i agree with liz and miya.There is just no feelings your left with at the end of every line or even stanza that trully digs down to the heart break enough, it sounds angry but also sad and does not trully dive head first into either.
because there is definatly alot of potential here.
I the honesty and raw emotion does come through but you are not doing your own feelings justice i think you may just need to read over what you wrote and phrase it diferently with a more steady mind whilst using the words above or atleast feelings behind them.
Wounds bleed but its when time passes we find out if the wound becomes a scar or not and this my friend unfortunatly sounds like its gonna be a scar but the great thing about poetry is...scars sing.
I look forward to you next one
I think you are all right. I was just having a really bad evening so I wrote what came to me...I will edit it. Sorry it's so selfabsorbed
I agree very much with Liz, this isnt particulary poetic, although I'm not one to talk I'm terible with poetry! Even so, i didnt really enjoy reading this in all fairness i found it a bit self obsessed, which can be fine in poetry if written in the right way. I think that if you put yourself into this poem more, deeper emotions and way of thinking it could be really good.
good luck!
Miyaviloves
Poetry shouldn't seem like an echo of something you'd say on the phone, it's about heightened emotion and using heghtened language to convey it. Your line breaks don't really mean anything, and you could squash all this together and you'd have a paragraph of angst. The topic is fine, but you need to make it fresh. What you've written could be anyone's.