KatTrain

I Never thought.............. I was sitting on a park b e nch alone In the cold and gloomy autumn twilight good words but awkwardly placed together Never thought i'd be ...

I remember when we use to sit together. During nap time, at lunch, even when we use to stair stare at stars through your glass window. I remember the first ...

I'm trapped in a room that's darker than black with no doors to go out use a better verb than 'to go'. The verb you choose can help convey you ...

Cold eyes knew that they wouldn’t dare, true, but the captive do not dare, awkward wording the captive act to breath their air and take back what was once theirs ...

[quote="ra1n"]Another Day My Voice Kept Silent Another Way My Soul Left Violent good intro At home nothing said Quietly perched upon this bed Sitting in deep thought of what to ...

A soft, haunting melody Ringing through a darkened room nice beginning A hand on my waist Our fingers entwined not a very smooth transition of description A silent but drumming ...

Smooth stuff, Hairy stuff Kinda-sorta scary stuff smiled Real stuff, Fake stuff A book on "How to Make- Stuff" appreciated rhyme with a nod Good stuff, Bad stuff It'll-kinda-make-you-sad stuff ...

Forgive me if I come off harsh His eyes so kind His laugh so warm Why can’t I get him off my mind? These don't really rhyme because of the ...

My thoughts and my love drive me differently than you. This is a very weak beginning. It doesn't draw me into the poem. 'love' is such a common word, it's ...

Two arms crossed over holding Two textbooks guarding shielding One cleavage hiding... Two men standing smoking Two cigarettes staring watching One girl waiting... insert somthing here to make clearer

Ode to Freckles: I want to kiss each individual little spot on your smiling face, and would, Awkward, random short line? :/ if you’d sit still long enough. A kiss ...

i hear the wind blowing i hear it in the air replace this with a different verb, 'hear' is a bit redundant i don't know what to do its simply ...

Do you see her as she is? A bleeding heart , cliche laughing to hide the pain. That she’s tired o f lying, tired of crying, use more interesting words, ...

I beleive you had something going for you with the fading of the stars. There are some unanswered questions you need to address or else your poem ends up being ...

Your imagery is great. I think the rhyming is off We are caught in a vortex of snow mixed with lies. Rhyme The cold is as penetrating as your icy ...