Published November 29, 2010
His eyes so kind
His laugh so warm
Why can’t I get him off my mind?
Him and I
Oh that moment seemed so right
The moment that we were intertwined
What a night
A beautiful dream
His face had been a wonderful sight
Oh the stars
How they shined
He makes them disappear, yes, all the scars
His hand touching mine
I wish I could rewind it all
Tell me, was that a sign?
His face is all I see
Its still as clear as it was the night before
I wonder, if he loves me
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141,690 Literary Works • 675,575 Reviews
Hello, forgive me if I come off harsh.To me,this poem is a little too cliche to be deep but i like the last line "I wonder, if he loves me."
Anyway, I think it's kind of cute. And you should write more to improve your writings.
Keep writing,
Alicia.
Forgive me if I come off harsh
His eyes so kind
His laugh so warm
Why can’t I get him off my mind? These don't really rhyme because of the extra long length of the last line
Him and I
Ohthat moment seemed so rightThe moment thatwe were intertwined it's redundant, we already know it's a moment. Use something else to fill the spaceWhat a night
A beautiful dream
His face had been a wonderful sight maybe 'was'? I'm not very good with grammar but this seems off
Oh the stars
How they shined
He makes them disappear, yes, all the scars the 'yes' is unnecessary.
His hand touching mine
I wish I could rewind it all
Tell me, was that a sign?
His face is all I see This is already kind of a cliche poem but this is a very blatant cliche.
Its still as clear as
it wasthe night beforeI wonder, if he loves me I like the last two lines
This poem is too cliche to be very deep. But it's cute, I'll give you that.
Keep writing and good luck! ~Kat