Published October 31, 2010
In The stuff that escapes my brain, into my pen, onto the page.
If it makes no sense just go with it xD
I was feeling claustrophobic and pressured. I even felt like I wanted to be dead. Not as in to kill myself!, but as in to be there but not to be seen y'know? Yes that's so emo, I know -.-
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Hey kikialicia,
Thanks, but I kind of like it the way it is.
Thank you so much for the suggestion though!
Chynel.
Hello Chynelk5,
I think it's better if you write want to be notice. But it's up to you because this is your poem.I know how it feels like to be emo and I like it.
Anyway, I think it's a good poem.
Good luck and keep writing,
Alicia.
Hi KatTrain,
Well to be honest why should all those questions be answered? I mean it just came to me, I don't really plan these things because when I do they turn out rubbish. I just think it would end up being to complicated if I answered everything.
Sorry if I sound ungrateful for your critic!
Thank you for the critic :]
Chynel
Thank you very much Stargazer :]
I actually rememeber, it was 2 in the morning...in the shower xD
Thanks again :]
Chynel.
I beleive you had something going for you with the fading of the stars.
There are some unanswered questions you need to address or else your poem ends up being 'emo'.
Why do you only want to be a PART of your old self?
Why don't you want to be who you are now?
Who are you now?
If you want to fade OUT like the moon/stars, why do you want to fade back IN like they do every night?
Is there any significance in only being seen at night?
Answer one or all of these and I think you poem will be better.
"I do not want to speak." I would change that to 'don't'
Also, having a disclaimer that it's written at night is just and excuse and kind of put me off from the beginning.
It doesn't sound like you wrote it late at night. I like it. And it doesn't really sound emo. All teenagers want to vanish off the face of the earth in some point in their lives. And for doing it so late you sure did good on your grammar. I'm not the best on commenting on poetry, so all I'll say is I liked it. Keep writing!