Emerson

It's a very good view and metaphor, but I honestly have to say I hate how you wrote it. The voice used in the poem feels somewhat archaic and unneeded, ...

Er. I struggled to fully grasp your meaning in this poem. It seemed all over the place to me. Perhaps it was because the poem desperately needs punctuation--that on it's ...

I think this would do better with imagery. Right now it's kind of a mass of commands, and perhaps I am not like everyone but I do not like being ...

Hah, this made me chuckle. I also thought of East of Eden and how Cathy gets rid of her parents. It didn't do that much for me though, because each ...

I already mumbled at you over this. I love the French, the irony, the sparseness of it. The lack of punctuation and capitalization completely favor it. I'm surprised someone hasn't ...

Ah, I love this version so much more. In parts it felt too rambly and too much full of "telling". I think you are wanting to use certain lines really ...

Yes, like Rieda says, punctuate! The poem, like your last one, just tells . You have to do more than tell in a poem. You have to show, paint a ...

Just as some general notes: your title has a typo, you'll want to capitalize the pronoun I, always, and be sure to add in more punctuation in places. I can ...

I liked this--all but the last stanza. Everything before that was actually pretty good, almost superb, but that last stanza just... sort of summed everything up. Rather than flat out ...

Hmm... This is cute? ^_~ But, at times the rhymes forced your line to do certain things that didn't make much sense, and so the poem didn't make sense. @_@ ...

I also like this.... but the tense change makes me squeal in a bad way. You'll really want to fix this. Another thing that irked me was the fact that ...

We just weren't ment to be! ment->meant. I really liked the last stanza: Like the first slice of cake, I want the unbroken surface back, The innocence of that first, ...

The imagery... Yes! You actually have imagery. But I didn't really pick up on it. The poem is hard to read, because it lacks punctuation and capitalization in places, and ...

Unlike Matt, I'm all for adding punctuation and capitalization. Unless you do it with a purpose (and I think you were just forgetful ^_~) you should use them. Here is ...

I can't critique lyrics at all, so you will get no real comments. ^^; Since this is a song lyric, like you said, I'm going to move it to the ...