Unlike Matt, I'm all for adding punctuation and capitalization. Unless you do it with a purpose (and I think you were just forgetful ^_~) you should use them. Here is an article that may help you out: Poetry & Punctuation.
I didn't really like it, but it wasn't bad either. It just could be better, perhaps in your word choice or your explanations. It's a nice idea, but it didn't make me feel anything. In other words, I couldn't take anything away from it.
Perhaps consider what you want the reader to feel/think about the poem when they finish reading it. Best of luck!
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