What once was only dark
Your wings took it away
And the sadness in my heart
Just flew away
The sun's cold rays froze my heart nearly to death
And your reflection in the darkness took the stage
The black mask that my soul had, just broke in half
And now there doesn't exist any distances where i won't find you
Without your heart I can't live
We're gonna fly in the depths of space always till the end
My path is painful but I'll protect your heart
And every step I take, I learn who I am
And if I ever disappear
A light would be reborn that will illuminate your heart
Help me to forget a new way today
We both will cross the darkness in our heart
With this heart that gained it's freedom
We are gonna fly in in this white darkness
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Canary word: Present
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125,015 Literary Works • 672,847 Reviews
Really good.
You have great imagery in this and that is what's important to me.
Well done.
Not too bad, but not great either.
Imagary was good in places; flow was okay in places; but the poem was too long and it became tedious to read. Maybe you could cut it shorter?
The imagery... Yes! You actually have imagery. But I didn't really pick up on it. The poem is hard to read, because it lacks punctuation and capitalization in places, and some of the lines don't make sense. Some lines are too long, you may want to keep length in mind, everything should sort of flow together. Another issue, is that this is just a story in verse--what makes this a poem? Something to think on.
I agree, the imagery is great. Flying through space was a nice touch.
Hey!
Ok, I usually don't crit poems...
I like the contrast, and to me it kinda seems that you drag the poem too long.
This is just my opinion.
Nice job!
Timea
Juan,
Aw. It seems as if you put your whole heart into it. It's so beautiful. Thanks! ^_^
This poem has so much imagery in it, it's amazing. Obviously, your genre is tragic gothic fantasy. Or something along those lines. I really love it. Nice job. Hopefully other writers will feel the same.
Stephanie <3