Demeter

Hey jazzydracula! So, in general your writing is pretty fluent and you describe things well. There were some inconsistencies and other stuff that I noticed that I'd like to point ...

Hi there, Haven! Wow - I've never reviewed lyrics on YWS that actually have music to them! I'm really impressed! I downloaded the music and listened to it while I ...

Hi again, Deanie! :D Well, of course I wanted to read this when I saw the description box, and being a YWSer, online relationships are very close to my heart. ...

Hi Deanie! Well, it's pretty difficult to review stream of consciousness and at first I thought I couldn't do it (and I'm not sure what kind of comments you want ...

Laurennn

Hi, summergrl! I love the title of this poem! It's what made me want to read it in the first place. I think you've done a wonderful job at keeping ...

Hi there Rhiasofia! I thought that in general this was beautiful, but you use a lot of words - more than necessary, I'd say! For example: I draw my hands ...

Hi Widdershins! The title caught my eye - I love it! The line breaks and rhythm is really interesting here, because I thought it was way off/disturbing in the first ...

Hey there Zee! Sitting at the same old desk with -- the same old stupid, boring life, but my life isn't boring anymore. This is a bit contradictory, since you ...

Hey there Verdigris! Welcome to YWS! English is my second language too (I didn't start learning it until I was nine), but YWS has helped me improve my English such ...

Hi Lycando! You write generally well and there are no coherence issues or other major problems I could see, so this will mainly be a grammatical review. Hope that's alright! ...

Hey, DrFeelGood! I really liked this story. I think you captured that "small things in life" feeling wonderfully - a story doesn't always have to have a great big plot ...

Hi there PrettyxCreative! Welcome to YWS :) I liked the way you introduced all the senses to this poem! It's a good idea to remember the senses when writing pretty ...

Hi SecreteJournalist! I love your avatar, by the way. :o I have to say I was pretty confused by the poem before I reread the title and was like "duhhh". ...

Hi, shinethroughthedark! My first impression is that this is quite a stream of consciousness type of poem. That's fine, but you could do a little bit to make it more ...