It's been 3 years since i've seen the light.
I can still feel the distant glow of the sunlight warming my skin.
I can still picture the kids playing tag outside of their houses.
I can still smell the freshly cut grass.
I can still hear the baby bird cooing to her mother.
I can still taste the ripe red watermelon on my tongue.
I wish I would have stayed in the light because leaving it was the worst thing I had ever done
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,387 Literary Works • 673,145 Reviews
Hey! .. I'm sorry, I'm not reviewing your poem right now. I'll come back later xD ... But it was pretty good xD
Hi there PrettyxCreative! Welcome to YWS
I liked the way you introduced all the senses to this poem! It's a good idea to remember the senses when writing pretty much anything at all, because they're the way that people experience things! Often many writers just write about things you can see forgetting about the other senses, so I'm glad you didn't do that.
However, you could think about exploring the different senses in other ways than just "I can still feel/picture/smell/etc. X" because quite honestly, it does get a bit boring for the reader. Try different ways to structure things and see what you like and what you don't - and remember that you can use multiple strategies in one poem! The nice thing about writing is that you don't have to stick to just one style or way to say something.
But I really like all the things you decided to portray for the different senses. They're all colourful pieces of life, all of which I happen to love in real life! I also really want to know why the narrator left the light and why can't he/she go back.
Hopefully some of that was helpful!
Demeter
x
I am here to give you another review (a well-deserved one, at that).
First off, the title is right on point. It catches attention and is short and sweet.
The poem makes even me feel a little nostalgic. You took advantage of all the senses here, even scent and taste, which are effective in transporting the reader into a certain time or place. It is a beautiful concept and is well-written, so good job.
Even the grammar is mostly perfect, except for:
On the first line, you might want to capitalize "i've".
On the last line, I believe a period is missing to cap it all off.
On the second line, I personally think it would sound better if it was written like this:
"I can still feel the distant glow of the sun warming my skin."
rather than
"I can still feel the distant glow of the sunlight warming my skin."
The reason is that since you already used the word 'glow', there isn't a real need for 'sunlight'; 'sun' would suffice. It also helps there not to be any repetition of the word 'light'.
I think this is a beautiful poem you wrote, you should feel very good about it.
Extra: My favorite line was, "I can still taste the ripe red watermelon on my tongue."
I'm sorry this posted twice.
No worries
I am here to give you another review (a well-deserved one, at that).
First off, the title is right on point. It catches attention and is short and sweet.
The poem makes even me feel a little nostalgic. You took advantage of all the senses here, even scent and taste, which are effective in transporting the reader into a certain time or place. It is a beautiful concept and is well-written, so good job.
Even the grammar is mostly perfect, except for:
On the first line, you might want to capitalize "i've".
On the last line, I believe a period is missing to cap it all off.
On the second line, I personally think it would sound better if it was written like this:
"I can still feel the distant glow of the sun warming my skin."
rather than
"I can still feel the distant glow of the sunlight warming my skin."
The reason is that since you already used the word 'glow', there isn't a real need for 'sunlight'; 'sun' would suffice. It also helps there not to be any repetition of the word 'light'.
I think this is a beautiful poem you wrote, you should feel very good about it.
Extra: My favorite line was, "I can still taste the ripe red watermelon on my tongue."
That was my favorite line also.
Hi, I'm Andy and I'm here to give you a review!
I loved it! I loved the feel of the poem and the imagery. I didn't notice anything grammatically wrong with it either, so thumbs up to you! I just have to say it has a depression feel to it. Like the narrator has had something happen to them that makes them give up on life, they stay inside away from the sun, the warmth and maybe anything fun, like the watermelon. That's just my take on things, don't know if it's because that's where my brain is resting at the moment or what. Hope you liked this review and let me know about my assumption! Welcome to YWS, I hope you enjoy it here! 
Yup, you hit exactly what I was aiming for. The review was great, thanks.
Hey there!
So, I really love how you used all of the senses, very good way to help your reader visualize. I am a little confused though, as to what the 'light' is, and why the narrator hasn't seen the light for three years?
I didn't notice any grammatical or spelling errors, so great job with that!
This wasn't the longest review, but Thought I'd share my feelings on your lovely poem here!
Keep writing,
~Nora
The light is my mom, well a symbol for her. About three years ago I moved from my mom's house to my dad's and my mother was my happiness and now I rarely see her. So I have not seen the light in three years.