Nostalgia. It's followed by a bittersweet experience, injecting a surge of memories into a single moment and overwhelms you. Old memories resurface, good ones and bad ones. It's so visceral and real, sometimes we forget such memories have long since been swept away by the tides of time.
Nostalgia is like an old friend knocking on your door when you least expect it. The two of you share fond memories of the past; you talk of the endless nights spent under the starry night sky, the golden sky at dusk as the sun sank beneath the waters and countless of hours riding through the country. It seems as if the very presence of nostalgia brings you back to those very times and you feel as though they had only happened yesterday.
Then, wearing a somber smile, nostalgia tells you it can't stay. It has to go, to find others who need it, to rekindle with those who have forgotten old memories. You muster all your strength to hold back the tears, but you end up choking on them. Gazing at nostalgia for one last time, you bid it farewell.
As it walks out the door, and out of your life, you feel a sudden sense of emptiness. It seems as though nostalgia had come right through, filled your heart with such joy and fond remembrance, yet depleted it as soon as it left. You don't know when it'll come knocking on your doorstep again, but when it does, the very bitter sweetness you have grown to both love and hate will be by it's side.
Author's Note: I know it's a little short, sorry! I just had a strong urge to write about this as it suddenly popped into my head.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,009 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
Hello.
I really like how you display the relationship between nostalgia and the individual; it seems we thrive off it knowing full well the pain it will cause. But, to be honest, the whole idea of nostalgia as a Jehovah's Witness going to "find others who need it" seems to personify nostalgia a little too much. Also, you say, "Gazing at nostalgia for one last time, you bid it farewell." This makes it sound like nostalgia is never coming back but then you go on to say that it is indeed coming back.
Your word choice helped develop a strong mood to the piece. You use negative, gloomy words like "emptiness" and "choking" to describe the negative impacts of nostalgia, but this is contradicted with words like "joy" and "fond" to help illustrate the love-hate relationships that human beings have with nostalgia. It's really good.
Finally, I like the imagery you use in the second paragraph. It's emotive and general enough that it makes a connection with the audience, even if some of the experiences you describe are somewhat hard to relate to. But you have a good voice and your writing is clean. You should try using more detailed similes and metaphors because I think it would really compliment your ideas and your overall writing.
Hi Lycando!
You write generally well and there are no coherence issues or other major problems I could see, so this will mainly be a grammatical review. Hope that's alright!
This sounds a bit funny grammatically - there's the ellipsis of subject in "and overwhelms you", but there is no natural subject in the sentence, unless you go all the way to "It('s)" at the start of the sentence. Perhaps change "overwhelms" to "overwhelming", or "and" to "that" in case you meant "into a single moment that overwhelms you".
This could be interpreted as "the sun sank beneath the waters AND countless of hours", even though that doesn't make any sense, but the lack of punctuation/other rhythm creates that impression. You could add a comma after "waters" or say "talk of the endless nights --, OF the golden sky and OF the countless of hours". Also, "sky" is repeated twice in a row, so one of those should probably be cut.
You rarely knock on doorsteps, so just say "door" or choose another verb to replace "knocking".
This should be "its".
One more thing: you use the word "memories" a lot in such a short text (three times in the first paragraph alone), so you should probably take some of them out to avoid repetition.
I'm having a hard time categorizing this work. You put it in short stories, but it's kind of essay-like as well? I know that people often just write random stuff without really meaning it to be this or that, so this could just be one of those types. Your descriptions of nostalgia seemed apt and something that I've often felt/thought about as well, so nice job on that
Demeter
x
This is an awesome topic and fills me with inspiration. Grammatically, this piece seems flawless. I generally say that there is always room for improvement, but in this case, im not sure if there really is. The only way in which this piece could improve would be the implementation of a slightly more colourful vocabulary. When writing on such a profound topic, analogies can draw the reader in far more than straight forward prose. They also evoke a sense of author-reader mutuality. Very important in writing based on a concept. Awesome work!!!