Costa

Oooh, boy, Dangit Ron Paul! I didn't expect people to find fanfiction about this over here, that's for sure. Still, if you can make it as good as the games ...

You've a very interesting story cooking here, if this chapter is any indication. Your descriptions were very much on point and painted a clear picture, and you also gave a ...

Off to a good start, this. Your descriptions of what's going on are on point and I can very clearly envision the action, the grim state of the world that's ...

Heh, leave it to children to be this playful when a flood is happening. Not a care in the world. Since you signed and dated, am I to assume that ...

You DO have something special here, recounting your memories and paying homage to your grandmother. It's easy to see that English is not your first language but, despite that, your ...

That's quite the contrast between the first and second half of this chapter. It certainly makes me curious as to what happened up until that point, and the way you ...

I reckon this does stand on its own feet, though a wee bit wobbly due to the lack of context (as you're well aware). Sounds to me that Bo's in ...

A very tension-heavy start - I like it. The slow pace helps it so, too. I would suggest that you consider adding more physical descriptions to the characters themselves and ...

Hmm, short but interesting. Is this your, the writer's, thoughts or are you projecting? The way you write this, in bite-sized phrases, really makes things come across as if you're ...

Ooh, I really like the way this started. Mind, this feels more like a Chapter 0 than a proper prologue - it's big and the story already seems to have ...

Having your protagonist marred by guilt of something he'd done isn't uncommon - even stuff that isn't his/her fault. That said, I'm having a hard time believing any of this. ...

Well, this certainly started off weird. The kid suddenly started having Hebrew and information on Judaism pop in his head? Or was it due to the dreams? This is something ...

Alright, let's get the obvious out of the way first: there are many, many grammatical errors throughout this entire piece. The punctuation is inconsistent (especially in the dialogue tags), words ...

Raising your leg to kick an enemy that's swinging wildly, without at least destabilizing him, sounds like a recipe for disaster, but I'll let that one slide! I can't comment ...

This reads pretty well, so I hope you'll come back to it. I can't remember the last time I saw a story about avian people - most of the time, ...