Amice

I applaud the effort! There are several excellent points! But I felt it lacked rhythm... that comfortable swing. NOT saying it has to be sing-song! It moved from "ones core" ...

Aren't haikus so much fun to write? :D Nicely done, Kay!! at first I wondered at the title, but I get it now! :roll: :)

envelops my heart with a bountiful love. IMO, this is going a little overboard. The rest I enjoyed! Would you happen to have anything creative on, say, lettuce sandwiches? :D

Great job on this one! It's rich, full poem -- I think you should develop it / make it longer. Bravo on the alliteration in the last line. Write some ...

(JUST MY PERSONAL HUMBLE OPINION) This started out great, but about halfway through I wish it'd stopped or went another direction. I like the use of some not-so-cliched words (scintillating ...

This doesn't seem to have any coherent thought pattern or point. Wouldn't be too hard on a Novice (I'm not exactly a writer myself), but do try to determine a ...

Great poem! Just a couple notes... In the first stanza, you went from present tense to past tense, and in the second stanza, back to present. :?: "metacarpals"? :? I ...

Without getting too detailed, I'll give you a couple of my first thoughts. (1) The whole thing is rushed. I know you probably write it and put it on the ...

Your rhythm (is there any?) is sporadic Your innocent smile and beautiful eyes Gives me a funny feeling inside These lines are cliché Overall... simple, short, and sweet :) -Amice-

At first I thought... this may be good... then I felt my eyebrow arching and my inward eyes rolling... then it got better. Waking on this plane of you Is ...

Being that it's been seven months since you posted this chapter... you may have completely restructured or even eliminated it. I hate to pick through l-o-n-g selections, so here are ...

Loved the first stanza! Stirred empathy without being too extreme. You obviously take pride in your heritage/nationality. Admirable! Your poem here relates strong patriotism. BUT not everyone is famil

Wow it's been a month since the last post on this one... sorry I'm late :P I do believe carpe diem is Latin, and it means "sieze the day". It ...

Ditto on the hyphen pointer... Umm, elastic... fraying? :? If that meant something profound, mybad for missing it. If not, I don't see how it makes sense. In the last ...

Ditto to Dreami... Great idea for a story line... I don't think it was too long, maybe just a little repetetive in the first few stanzas. I don't care for ...