Published November 20, 2005
The past’s-elastic is fraying
And I find that I’m guilty,
When my crimes have a face
That stares back in stanzas.
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141,399 Literary Works • 674,387 Reviews
Ditto on the hyphen pointer...
If that meant something profound, mybad for missing it. If not, I don't see how it makes sense.
Umm, elastic... fraying?
In the last line, stares is a little cliché.
Otherwise...
I find I prefer brevity to ballads. So the conciseness got my thumbs up.
Not as easy as it looks. It takes a definite, central thought and careful word choice to "say a lot with a little".
Cool
Write some more!
-Amice-
I agree with Brian, take out the hyphen in the first line. It would benefit from that. Nice imagery though in the first line. Interesting read, don't really have much to say though.
-El-
I don't like the last line but the other three lines were okay
Take out the hyphen in the first line. Also, the last line comes rather abruptly. Other than that, pretty good. The first three lines are really good, and it's an interesting poem to read.