Published November 28, 2005
I love this day
I know this day
Sunshine bouncing off uneven teeth
Oh I love the way you smile
Waking on this plane of you
I’m saying to no one, I’m saying to all
“Have fun have fun I know you will”
I love this day
I know this day
Unbroken hearts unbroken promises
Intoxicated on your feathered whispers
I love the way you shine
Today you radiate not just reflect
You are who you were not who you became
And the rainbows from your lips fill me with life
I’m numbed to what you’re doing
Because today is different
Today I don’t feel and today that makes it good
I love this day
I know this day
Show me
Breathe me
Touch me
Leave me
It’s all the same on loveday
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139,496 Literary Works • 672,587 Reviews
Thanks, all, I'll see if I can revise it (this is a lie, I will think about it then get lazy and not do it.)
I like it, everything except
And the rainbows from your lips fill me with life,
which makes me think of those plastic pony things with technicolor manes.
Other than that though, I loved it. Psychedelic and cool.
At first I thought... this may be good... then I felt my eyebrow arching and my inward eyes rolling... then it got better.
Is this supposed to be "walking"?
Some punctuation would make this line clearer.
Your rhythm / rhyme scheme was too erratic.
I do like the theme. I think a little restructuring/modification could make it a great poem!
-Amice-
....hmmmm....yeah it does a bit. At first I thought "is this going to be any good......" but then it did get better.
This seems to be more of a song...