Author's note: No reviews on 2 yet, and only 1 on chapter one. Got tired of waiting so I am posting this one now. I have finished all the way up to Chapter 9, but while this story recieves a PG rating now, it will quickly jump to R from 6-9. If anyone takes a liking to the Aphonia/Raye/Wentz story side only, PM me and I will tell you the next chapter in which the group appears, since it does get a bit graphic (from which I may still edit for YWS posting) and I don't want to make anyone sick.
For now enjoy part one of the bar scene, chapter four ends this scene.
Edited!
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Chapter Three
The darkened jungle greeted the three with a cacophony of noise as they exited Aphonia's house. Carrying a lantern in hand, she began to follow an invisible path through the trees towards the town. Rustling of leaves alerted them to the presence of forging deer and skiddish creatures of all shapes and sizes. Overhead birds fell silent as they passed by, their calls resuming after trudging on through the thick growth. The short journey came to an end as several dozen houses, dimly lit, came into view.
The tiny town was carved from the base of massive trees on the water's edge. Catwalks connected the houses all together high in the air, protecting them from deadly predators. This unique tree house architecture dominated the dense jungles of Frae and Marham because of the protection and defensive strength offered against attacks, human or beast.
At the base of the great tree's trunk, Aphonia pointed out a small ladder of wooden slats nailed into the tree. Passing the lantern to Raye she began to scale the ladder working her way quickly and nimbly up onto a platform some ten meters above the ground.
Wentz was next to ascend, his small body was not suited to the large gaps between steps, but without a moment's hesitation he followed Aphonia without complaint. Her helpful hand extended out for him as he reached the top, helping him climb over in darkness.
“Great,” Raye grumbled as he cut off the flow of gas to the lantern, the darkness bounding back instantly. Setting down the bucket with the dead fox against the tree, he was last to scale the ladder. Aphonia's helping hand awaited him at the top, and he reluctantly took it after a moment's pause.
Without a guiding light in hand the three made their way forward across the catwalk towards the tavern, aglow with light, sweet music and drunken voices. Pushing the wooden door open with her hand, Aphonia was greeted by a similarly dressed woman, “Aph! You are late- Oh you brought company?”
The girl strained her neck to see Cardinal Wentz and Brother Raye behind Aphonia's back, but as soon as her green eyes fixated upon the young Cardinal she cried out, “Hey, no children! You know better then that Aph!”
No one could get a word in edgewise as she dismissed Wentz with a wave of her hand and pointed immediately to Raye, “Your husband is fine.”
Pushing Aphonia over the threshold, Raye and Wentz were quick to introduce themselves to the lady before she could spout more nonsense. Raye gave a humble bow as Wentz stood proud to give the introduction, “Good evening, I am Cardinal Louis Wentz and this is my retainer Brother Raye. It is an honor to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you both, my name is Fey.” the girl shot out her hand asking for a handshake with a little wiggle and Raye was all too eager to take the honor, grasping the girl's soft hand with both of his and shaking the poor girl vigorously, “Sorry, I thought you were family. It's the first time she's ever brought anyone here.”
“Do I look like her husband?” Raye asked bluntly, stealing a glance at Aphonia who was entirely cut off from this conversation and clearly loathing her situation.
“Well... yeah. A strong woman needs a strong man!” Fey raised her index finger to her lip and took another look down at the cardinal, “Guess it makes sense, a radish doesn't come from black-lemons.”
“A what?” Wentz thought to himself in anger, “I'm a radish?”
Dumb enough to follow that logic, Raye put his hand on Wentz's shoulder, “Lovely color isn't it?”
“Get your hand off me,” Wentz growled up at Raye.
As if physically bitten by the harsh words, Raye retracted his hand immediately, “Miss Fey, do you mind allowing us to sit and enjoy a drink or two.”
“Oh! Of course. How silly of me,” she giggled nervously, “I'll get your things Aph.”
The crowded tavern was full of laughter as strong armed men danced openly to the airy tune of a flute and lyre, the choral voice Edward Schwartz possessing a musical tone all its own as he retold the story of Prince Agat and Leviathan, an epic poem dating back over a thousand years ago.
“And so, with spear in hand he thrust it into the beast's eye.”
“Thrashing in anger, the ship tossed upon the sea in its relentless attack.”
“Agat leapt onto its shimmering back.”
“Stabbing it over and over again as its screeching cries filled the air.”
“Oh, I know this one,” Raye said as he took his seat at an empty table, “The kid is pretty good, but wasn't Levithan felled by a hammer?”
“Yes, but it took five attempts before it was bequeathed to him by Vale, this is only the second part of the story.” Wentz said softly as he took his seat as well, “Sure must have been expensive to get a group out this far...”
Appearing again with a jumbled mess of pad, quill and ink in hand, Fey plopped them down upon the table and sighed, “Where did that girl run off to... Anyways, what do you two want?”
“Two glasses of wine,” Cardinal Wentz said casually, “Oh and tonight's special dish.”
Fey stared at Wentz with murderous eyes, “You are still a brat, Cardinal or not-”
“Do it,” Brother Raye sighed, “Let it pass for tonight, this may be our last drink in this life.”
Grumbling under her breath, she walked away from the table, “Pops, double orders. Three want the special.” Raye sneaked a lecherous peek at the woman's backside, his head craning down in a vain attempt to see up her skirt.
“She's cute.” he grinned, a slight blush spreading across his face, but Wentz's scowl soon fixed that.
“Oh, but not Sister Aphonia?”
“She's got to be in her fifties... or even older-”
“Not one for maturity? Well, it isn't a surprise.”
“No! Its not maturity, its... disgusting just thinking about it. How many... where... and probably what she hasn't done that scared me.” Raye's face contorted as he tried to imagine the stern, ever-silent figure of the demonic girl in that act with some man, him, “Ugh... it makes me sick to my stomach.”
“Guess I don't have competition after all.” Wentz admitted, lowering his proud head just a little.
“My lord! You are much too young to even say such things!”
Wentz caught sight of Aphonia coming towards the table from behind the bar, a small red jug in her hand, “Ssh, she's coming!” In a softer voice he whispered, “Don't tell her a-n-y-thing.”
She set the jug down on the table and slid into a seat next to Wentz, tight lipped and breathing heavily she didn't even spare a look as she took the quill and wrote out, “Symptoms are beginning to show in the infected. Time is running out.”
“How long was the incubation period?” Wentz became serious immediately, no one would have believed just a minute ago he and Raye were discussing women so crassly.
“2 months. Tell me of this cure.” she wrote back.
“Its a rumor, but a man named Albert found a cure in a highly toxic plant which can be administered by ingestion. As for the details, we are at a loss.” Wentz motioned to Raye, “As my retainer and as the best candidate for the cure Raye will be the guinea pig. The poison itself comes from the Keush plant, it uses a powerful poison in seed pods to kill animals which eat it and the decaying carcass sprouts new stalks and pods.”
“Dangerous,” Aphonia wrote next to a charming caricature of a skull with Raye's short golden tuffs still attached.
“Quite so. Though I must confess I was confused when the concept was introduced to me. Neurotoxin, I believe that particular type of poison is called...” Wentz continued on, his words droning and far too complex for Raye to be his focus. Peeking over at Aphonia's tablet, he saw the inked figure and placed his hand on it to set it flat on the table.
“Hey...” Raye grumbled as he saw it in all of its crude and cute glory, “Don't make fun of Wentz.”
Scribbling “Raye” under it cleared up the misunderstanding, but she let slip that giggle which enraged Raye all the more as Wentz continued talking, oblivious to the latest exchange between the two as he busied himself with his thoughts.
“Poison to kill poison.” Wentz surmised, “It attacks the entire body, but if it can destroy the disease it will be well worth the risk.”
Flipping to a new sheet, Aphonia wrote to him, “If it is effective, how will we collect and transport the medicine?”
“I am sure Albert will detail the collection methods. Since the pods are the size of coffee beans it should be easy to carry a few bundles back and at least start treatment of those bitten by the beasts or beginning to show symptoms of madness.”
“Let us hope for the best.” Raye clapped his hands together and peeked around the room, in search of Fey, “My lord, I think I'll take you up on the relaxation offer. Just for tonight.”
“Oh? Skirt chasing on a whim or...” Wentz cut himself off as he thought about it.
“Pervert.” Aphonia showed Raye the tablet as she scowled at him. Raye took it from her hand and showed it back to Wentz with a sweet angelic smile, “Look what she thinks of me.”
“Allow him, Sister Aphonia. Otherwise he will have to room with us.” Wentz stated casually, testing the waters.
Any initial hesitation, outrage or professionalism was drowned out in a vain attempt to steal the tablet back from Raye. Though Aphonia's patience did have its limits, the fact Raye wasn't bowled over in pain was a sure sign to Wentz that some part of her was more then grateful to be unable to answer back. Though Raye had proved to be stupid time and time again, he had spared enough time with his stalling and quick thinking to manipulate the matter skillfully. As soon as she had taken back the tablet, Wentz continued on before she could write anything, “Are you aware of the EM?”
Sounding like 'them' Aphonia became confused and mouthed, “Them?”
“The Ebon Masters,” Wentz said in a low voice, “Are you familiar with their exploits?”
Aphonia shook her head, but the name did spark memories of a man she once knew. Wentz stood up as he beckoned to her, “Let us speak in private. Raye, you are free for tonight. Return to her house tomorrow afternoon, not before.”
“Yeah,” Raye replied, craning his neck around, almost like an owl, in search of Fey, but only finding burly men and housewives enjoying the bard's continuing tale with the pleasant musical accompaniment. He sighed, wondering where she had run off to as mysteriously as Aphonia had.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,830 Reviews
Hi me again
this story just gets more and more interesting, I can't find many nitpicks but will point out what I have noticed 
I think this might sound better as 'A rustling of leaves' and I think forging should be foraging
You repeat 'without' in the first sentence and 'help' in the second- I'd maybe change one of each so the sentence flows a bit easier. Its not completely necessary- just if I'm being picky
To make clear that this is a thought I would put it into italics as when I first read this I thought he was saying it out loud.
I think you need an 'of' before 'Edward Schwartz'.
I'm not sure about saying droning- its still quite an interesting topic and I think the idea of him droning on kind of invokes stuffy professor like images. I'd maybe replace it or leave it out, just mentioning the complex words.
Instead of 'but she let slip a giggle' I'd say 'and she let slip a giggle' as Raye would already be annoyed and this would push him further.
I understand what you mean by the action of him clapping his hands together but to me it does seem a bit like what a young girl might do- not really what I would expect from Raye. Maybe he could raise his glass or nod?
Overall: Brilliantly written once again- I could find barely anything. I love how the story is developing and the introduction of the new drug and Fey. I think you could maybe add a little more detail on Fey- perhaps when Raye leans over to stare at her- I kind of get the impression she is quite beautiful from the way Raye reacts but don't really know how. Aphonia is a great character and I love her and Raye's interaction with one another
Hope I've helped!
Ah thanks a lot! Yes, I do see what you mean about the intro being too long! I've corrected it. If anything jumps out at you again please tell me and I'll try to fix it up some more.
Fey is very vocal and Aphonia cannot speak at all, I am really not sure if I want to break it up because the total ditz she is becomes unique to her. Such as her concept of hair color. Not too bright to realize the red haired boy clearly is not the offspring of Raye and Aph without being explicitly told so. On the upside, she can read and write, but because she is (for all purposes) mentally retarded she holds this job. In the grand scheme of things, I will wait before altering that line.
Should she become one of those main spotlight characters I'll fix this issue of her spouting her thoughts out without waiting for answers. For the time being I just decided to break it up with a motion. If I do make correction that one point is the first of many.
Bard's tale, it was supposed to be an epic poem instead of a song, but with four lines the rhyming scheme is not clear. I'll wrestle with this one as well. Thank you. Same goes with the bard troupe, they have but a single harbinger to set up lodgings in advance and take care of the issue of money. More on that in future chapters.
As for the toxic treatment, it will be detailed later as well. It is a neurotoxin and interacts directly with the brain as does rabies. Given the method of reproduction means killing the victim before the indigestable seeds can be passed out of the body, the poison does the trick in minutes.
Bit of a spoiler, but its effect is based on sodium nitroprusside which is a compound of cyanide to quickly drop the blood pressure of its victims, which can be lethal to small animals alone. While the specific bacteria inside the seeds is similar Clostridium botulinum, but produces an Allobarbital-like product which can kill in small doses, but with a correct amount the effect of rabies and the damage halted, allowing the poison to be destroyed by the immune system. I won't go into further detail, but you can see the future...
Hey! I won't be too nit-picky from now on, as I think I've found the only few reoccurring problems.
Hrmm, looking at the first few paragraphs, I think you have a few sentences that are unnecessarily long. Always keep one idea to a sentence, and vary your sentence length. Short sentences will speed up the scene, and will provide impact if used effectively, and longer sentences tend to set a more relaxed, slow tone. The more effective authors use a mixture of both.
If you attempt to link more then one idea in a sentence, it loses a lot of effectiveness as it becomes 'rambly' and unidirectional, leaving your reader struggling to keep up with the topic change and trying to figure the significance of the links between the two ideas, whether there is an intended link or not.
Here are the places where I spotted this problem- you start off by describing the town, go on to describe another part of the town and then the reason for the object described second- that's a lot of information to take in at once. End the sentence after 'edge'.
Same goes for the second- You have a place, an action, another action, another action, then another place/description. Break it up a little.
*blink* Woah, topic change. What's with the random bit about her husband on the end? If she was really worried about having children there, she would wait for an answer before continuing.
....Wait, she was talking about Raye? Then make some indication. 'Her eyes flicked over Raye, a knowing smile creeping across her lips. "Your husband is fine." She added with a wink.
Or something. It's your story.
Eh, this doesn't have a minstrel's song 'tone' about it. They tend to be structured, rhyming, and above all, they had to be powerful and memorable. The minstrel was the news carrier and story teller, and to a certain extent, historian. They had to be memorable.
If you do not feel up to the task of writing lyrics, then do not, just cheat, as I would. Describe the song, how the minstrel sang it, and the story, but do not write the lyrics.
Most singers travel anyway, and just go from place to place, and pay for food and lodging with song.
Okay, the neurotoxin- how do they reverse it after the sickness is killed, so the body does not die along with it?
Other then that, this is another solid addition to a good story. I will be reading further (I would even if I didn't have to
-Nutty