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Siren’s Desire-Part Nine

by vampricone6783


*This is part nine of my series “Siren’s Desire”. This story is underneath my folder titled “Siren’s Desire”. Gacha Club character designs are underneath my forum titled “My character designs<33.” Enjoy!*



Lorelei blinked her eyes open.

She was inside a deep, darkened cave. In the water floated the bodies of girls who had succumbed to a watery death.

She saw the bodies of the Winston girls lying side by side, save for Isadora, who lay with Rhian, their skeletal claws intertwined with one another.

Lorelei was swept back to Israfel’s cave.

“No!” A voice cried out.

Lorelei turned towards the sound.

Standing in the cave was Elvira, eyes full of fury from what Lorelei and Israfel had done.

Speaking of which, Israfel was covered in deep, jagged scars, his blood bleeding bright red, just like any human’s would.

But Elvira had dents on her skeleton, the kind that would look like wounds if she had any skin left on her body.

Lorelei felt a pang of guilt lodge itself deep in her heart, even though it wasn’t her fault at all.

Isadora separated her from Israfel to help her find Rhian. Israfel was more than capable of fighting Elvira himself.

But still, she wished that she could have helped.

“You have all of the Winston girls together. I was planning on drowning this miserable world, on bringing him to his grave. You’d like to be surrounded by bodies, wouldn’t you, Israfel? Why, your cave is full of them right now!” Elvira cackled. Her voice was rasped with centuries of decay and hatred, contempt was ingrained in her eyes.

Israfel looked as though he had been hurt, his murky green eyes laced with sorrow, but he regained himself and said:

“There’s no excuse for what I did to Isadora and Rhian. I think that I deserved what you did to me, Elvira. Though Isadora had cheated on me, that was no reason to take their lives. Yet I did, and in such a horrible way, too.”

Israfel sighed and looked at Elvira, not once flinching, even though her eyes seem to bore deep into his with flaring intensity.

Lorelei watched closely, preparing herself for anything that was to come.

“But I kill because you made me a monster. Eating people is the only way that I can eat. With each Winston girl life that I took, I wanted to fix what I had done. I wanted to shower them with bountiful, passionate love, and never look back. But I think that my human and siren desires have collided together, resulting in their deaths.” Israfel said.

“If anything, you should torment me. Not the whole world. Certainly not Lorelei. I’m the only one who deserves your punishment. She was only fulfilling the prophecy that you created to help me stop this. Take me now and never return.” He said.

 He hadn’t sung a single word. He spoke completely human, entirely natural.

And if he was offering himself to Elvira. After all of their fighting, he was giving himself up to her.

Israfel turned to look at Lorelei. His lips opened up gently, just as they did when he was about to sing:

“Glide away, little fish

Let the waves-“

“NO! You don’t get to save her!” Elvira cried out.

Her lips curled up in a snarl as her bony claws twisted towards Israfel.

His throat began to bleed, a shock of rouge on pale skin. His eyes bugged out, as though they would pop out of his skull any moment.

“This world doesn’t deserve to be saved. I was locked away, my sister was taken from me. No one deserves a chance of life. They’re all out to get something.” Elvira said.

One clawed hand still focused on Israfel, she turned the other towards Lorelei.

Lorelei felt her throat begin to constrict, a scream begging to bubble out of her. She felt the tide rise higher and higher. Soon, the whole world would drown. Her family and friends, gone because she couldn’t save them.

All throughout their journey, Israfel struggled with his humanity and his evil. He almost killed Lorelei, until cutesy pig came along.

cutesy pig. Her familiar. An orange, pocket-sized pig who had the qualities of a cartoon character. A stark difference from all that had happened, he was a reminder of the humanity in everyone, the child lurking deep in everyone’s subconscious.

He gave her armor to protect herself. Elvira’s power still fueled her with pain, but she was still alive.

She wasn’t alone, either. All around her, she felt the ghosts of Eunice, Magdalena, Brandy, and Isadora surrounding her. Aiding her.

Elvira had power not only from her fingertips, but from the sharp-toothed, predatory mouth on her stomach, the thing that emanated clouds of life-draining, bruise-purple smoke. Lorelei could see the smoke coming from her dress.

Israfel said that she was tossed to the side, and Isadora was the one who betrayed him. Both were so different, both took in life in their own way.

But Lorelei didn’t come all that way just to die. She was a Winston witch, just like Elvira. Just like the ghost girls that surrounded her.

She took the despair deep within her, the fear of her little brother, Tristan, drowning away, his eyes wide and white, her parents, clinging to each other, unable to comprehend their deaths, and her friends, Finn and Skylar, terrified of what was to come.

None of them deserved to drown. Her family and friends weren’t involved. The strangers in the world weren’t involved.

There was not only despair, but determination sewed into her. The desire for it all to end, the desire to be back home, safe and sound, staring back at the ocean from her bedroom window, looking back at Israfel from the distance.

With the ghosts’ hunger for justice, for the cycle of death to end, and her own despair and determination, Lorelei sucked in all of the energy, and out it exploded from her fingertips, in a violent splash of rose pink and sea glass green.

“Time to rest, Elvira.” Isadora whispered.

Elvira began to crumble, her sockets seeming to widen in confusion and petrified fright, but Isadora caught her before she could completely crumble.

The Winston sisters crumbled together, the remaining three Winston ghost girls faded to Heaven, but the bodies of Israfel’s victims were still there.

Israfel rubbed his throat, shivering as though he wanted to crawl out of his skin. Tears spewed from his eyes as he looked back at the bodies lifeless floating in the water.

Lorelei collapsed onto the rocks. She wished so desperately that she could take Israfel in her arms, that she could tell him that everything would be okay, that he wasn’t entirely a monster, but using her and her ancestors’ power had done a number on her body.

The tide was sinking down. The bodies of the Winston girls were reunited. The girls wouldn’t die.

But would she? Would she die?

Lorelei vaguely heard swimming and shifting in the water. Something was crawling towards her, but she couldn’t get up to get a good look at it.

“I’m here, Lorelei. It’s okay. You did fantastic.” Israfel said.

Sitting above her was Israfel. He still had tears, but he was blinking them away.

She felt his pale claws bring her closer to him, until her head was on his slick, blue tail.

He traced his claws softly around her face, making sure not to pierce her flesh. It was just them and the bodies, the chasm of the cave dripping water in a melodic, time-ticking way.

After everything that happened, everything that they went through together, all she wanted to do was sleep…sleep on his tail….let him trail his claws on her skin…just rest…it was such a long journey…and she used much more of her powers…more than she was used to…

“I love you.” Israfel said.

But that was when Lorelei closed her eyes, drifting off to sleep.


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Sat Jun 22, 2024 8:37 pm
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KateHardy wrote a review...



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Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!


First Impression

Well this was a lovely big confrontation moment here. I really like the way you brought it all together and when it came time for Elvira to really put her foot down, the unity in the end to win was very nicely done.

Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

Lorelei blinked her eyes open.

She was inside a deep, darkened cave. In the water floated the bodies of girls who had succumbed to a watery death.

She saw the bodies of the Winston girls lying side by side, save for Isadora, who lay with Rhian, their skeletal claws intertwined with one another.

Lorelei was swept back to Israfel’s cave.


Oooh interesting. Looks like we're coming back to the moment from a couple of chapters ago again, and its back to the more skeletal parts of it. That's an interesting little transition here. I wonder what'll go down now.

“No!” A voice cried out.

Lorelei turned towards the sound.

Standing in the cave was Elvira, eyes full of fury from what Lorelei and Israfel had done.

Speaking of which, Israfel was covered in deep, jagged scars, his blood bleeding bright red, just like any human’s would.


Well looks like they've been through a thing or two despite being only skeletons. That really makes for an interesting visual and for an interesting detail here in terms of how spirits in this world might work here. Its definitely not what you'd typically expect to see.

But Elvira had dents on her skeleton, the kind that would look like wounds if she had any skin left on her body.

Lorelei felt a pang of guilt lodge itself deep in her heart, even though it wasn’t her fault at all.

Isadora separated her from Israfel to help her find Rhian. Israfel was more than capable of fighting Elvira himself.


Hmm well interesting little moment of guilt there. Really touches nicely on the feelings that Lorelei has in this moment and the kind of person that she tends to be.

But still, she wished that she could have helped.

“You have all of the Winston girls together. I was planning on drowning this miserable world, on bringing him to his grave. You’d like to be surrounded by bodies, wouldn’t you, Israfel? Why, your cave is full of them right now!” Elvira cackled. Her voice was rasped with centuries of decay and hatred, contempt was ingrained in her eyes.

Israfel looked as though he had been hurt, his murky green eyes laced with sorrow, but he regained himself and said:


Well we're going in with the callouts it would seem. Which given everything that everyone has been through and the state of this particular cave and most definitely very deserved in this moment. Israfel should be feeling all of this although it'll be interesting to see what the result is.

“There’s no excuse for what I did to Isadora and Rhian. I think that I deserved what you did to me, Elvira. Though Isadora had cheated on me, that was no reason to take their lives. Yet I did, and in such a horrible way, too.”

Israfel sighed and looked at Elvira, not once flinching, even though her eyes seem to bore deep into his with flaring intensity.

Lorelei watched closely, preparing herself for anything that was to come.


Well okayy here comes the defense. Its an interesting direction to be taking here, not exactly trying to deflect blame or say that he's wrong or exactly owning up to it and going full evil or even apologizing. Just sort of a very real discussion which I really like in this moment.

“But I kill because you made me a monster. Eating people is the only way that I can eat. With each Winston girl life that I took, I wanted to fix what I had done. I wanted to shower them with bountiful, passionate love, and never look back. But I think that my human and siren desires have collided together, resulting in their deaths.” Israfel said.

“If anything, you should torment me. Not the whole world. Certainly not Lorelei. I’m the only one who deserves your punishment. She was only fulfilling the prophecy that you created to help me stop this. Take me now and never return.” He said.


Well looks like he's owning up to his mistakes and offering something after all, accepting the horrors he's done but plainly stating the horrors that turned him into such a horror in the first place.

He hadn’t sung a single word. He spoke completely human, entirely natural.

And if he was offering himself to Elvira. After all of their fighting, he was giving himself up to her.

Israfel turned to look at Lorelei. His lips opened up gently, just as they did when he was about to sing:

“Glide away, little fish

Let the waves-“


Oh dear. Well looks like Elvira is coming out fully as the villain here as we're going down this path. Really creating a proper divide there as we keep on going down this particular path.

“NO! You don’t get to save her!” Elvira cried out.

Her lips curled up in a snarl as her bony claws twisted towards Israfel.

His throat began to bleed, a shock of rouge on pale skin. His eyes bugged out, as though they would pop out of his skull any moment.

“This world doesn’t deserve to be saved. I was locked away, my sister was taken from me. No one deserves a chance of life. They’re all out to get something.” Elvira said.


Oooh there it all comes out now, the past and why this whole situation would've erupted out of here in the first place. Once again even the craziest of the villains in these stories have their tragic backstories.

One clawed hand still focused on Israfel, she turned the other towards Lorelei.

Lorelei felt her throat begin to constrict, a scream begging to bubble out of her. She felt the tide rise higher and higher. Soon, the whole world would drown. Her family and friends, gone because she couldn’t save them.

All throughout their journey, Israfel struggled with his humanity and his evil. He almost killed Lorelei, until cutesy pig came along.


Well looks like this is going to be a bit of a devastating attack here, one that feels almost startlingly final here as it looks like all the forces that are at play here and coming together here to fight right now.

cutesy pig. Her familiar. An orange, pocket-sized pig who had the qualities of a cartoon character. A stark difference from all that had happened, he was a reminder of the humanity in everyone, the child lurking deep in everyone’s subconscious.

He gave her armor to protect herself. Elvira’s power still fueled her with pain, but she was still alive.

She wasn’t alone, either. All around her, she felt the ghosts of Eunice, Magdalena, Brandy, and Isadora surrounding her. Aiding her.


Ooooh looks like we're having a bit of a unity moment, Elvira firmly establishing herself as the one out to trap everyone and make the world drown for her sorrow and everyone else wanting freedom.

Elvira had power not only from her fingertips, but from the sharp-toothed, predatory mouth on her stomach, the thing that emanated clouds of life-draining, bruise-purple smoke. Lorelei could see the smoke coming from her dress.

Israfel said that she was tossed to the side, and Isadora was the one who betrayed him. Both were so different, both took in life in their own way.

But Lorelei didn’t come all that way just to die. She was a Winston witch, just like Elvira. Just like the ghost girls that surrounded her.


Well here we go, a bit of old power coming through as well with that little declaration that Lorelei isn't about to just give up and die no matter how powerful Elvira was.

She took the despair deep within her, the fear of her little brother, Tristan, drowning away, his eyes wide and white, her parents, clinging to each other, unable to comprehend their deaths, and her friends, Finn and Skylar, terrified of what was to come.

None of them deserved to drown. Her family and friends weren’t involved. The strangers in the world weren’t involved.

There was not only despair, but determination sewed into her. The desire for it all to end, the desire to be back home, safe and sound, staring back at the ocean from her bedroom window, looking back at Israfel from the distance.


Oooh really loving all of this buildup here, not just about the power and the motivation coming through but those emotions and how they're switching, drawing and feeding off all the injustice creating this need to make things right, this determination which feels very powerful.

With the ghosts’ hunger for justice, for the cycle of death to end, and her own despair and determination, Lorelei sucked in all of the energy, and out it exploded from her fingertips, in a violent splash of rose pink and sea glass green.

“Time to rest, Elvira.” Isadora whispered.

Elvira began to crumble, her sockets seeming to widen in confusion and petrified fright, but Isadora caught her before she could completely crumble.

The Winston sisters crumbled together, the remaining three Winston ghost girls faded to Heaven, but the bodies of Israfel’s victims were still there.


Oooh well looks like Elvira is starting to crumble there and fall leaving only Israfel in the end, I wonder what's going to become of him now that he made that little speech there.

Israfel rubbed his throat, shivering as though he wanted to crawl out of his skin. Tears spewed from his eyes as he looked back at the bodies lifeless floating in the water.

Lorelei collapsed onto the rocks. She wished so desperately that she could take Israfel in her arms, that she could tell him that everything would be okay, that he wasn’t entirely a monster, but using her and her ancestors’ power had done a number on her body.

The tide was sinking down. The bodies of the Winston girls were reunited. The girls wouldn’t die.


Well it looks like its beginning to slowly come to the proper end now, and its just about Lorelei trying to think of herself and maybe just a little bit about what may happen to Israfel.

But would she? Would she die?

Lorelei vaguely heard swimming and shifting in the water. Something was crawling towards her, but she couldn’t get up to get a good look at it.

“I’m here, Lorelei. It’s okay. You did fantastic.” Israfel said.

Sitting above her was Israfel. He still had tears, but he was blinking them away.

She felt his pale claws bring her closer to him, until her head was on his slick, blue tail.


Well looks like they get to reunite after all. Even if Lorelei is fully out of magic, Israfel appears to have recovered enough that he's able to get about and still do something.

He traced his claws softly around her face, making sure not to pierce her flesh. It was just them and the bodies, the chasm of the cave dripping water in a melodic, time-ticking way.

After everything that happened, everything that they went through together, all she wanted to do was sleep…sleep on his tail….let him trail his claws on her skin…just rest…it was such a long journey…and she used much more of her powers…more than she was used to…

“I love you.” Israfel said.

But that was when Lorelei closed her eyes, drifting off to sleep.


Well this is a bittersweet cliffhanger, it looks like Lorelei has really extended a bit too much energy and isn't able to fully experience the reunion but it only has her fall asleep without specifying what will truly become of her.

Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!

Overall

Overall I think this was very nicely done here. A truly inspiring little fight scene and I'm looking forward to seeing what's going to happen next, mostly to see what becomes of poor Lorelei.

As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!

Stay Safe and Have a Nice Day!
Kate


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Sat Jun 22, 2024 6:33 pm
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EllieMae wrote a review...



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Hi there, Vampricone! Ellie back again to leave you a review on this piece! Let's jump in, not waste any time, and get started!

She saw the bodies of the Winston girls lying side by side, save for Isadora, who lay with Rhian, their skeletal claws intertwined with one another.

Lorelei was swept back to Israfel’s cave.


I love these names so much! They are unique, but not too unique that they are difficult to pronounce. How do you think of so many names? I notice this a lot in your writing- you truly are a master at coming up with different plot lines and characters :D

cutesy pig. Her familiar. An orange, pocket-sized pig who had the qualities of a cartoon character. A stark difference from all that had happened, he was a reminder of the humanity in everyone, the child lurking deep in everyone’s subconscious.


I noticed that the 'cutesy pig' was not capitalized even though it was the first word in the sentence and the paragraph. Besides that, I loved how much detail you included in this part, with the colors and sizes. Awesome work!

“Time to rest, Elvira.” Isadora whispered.


The period after 'Elvira' should be a comma :)

“I love you.” Israfel said.

But that was when Lorelei closed her eyes, drifting off to sleep.


And we have a nice ending to this too! Drifting off to sleep. Peaceful and calm. In my opinion, that is a great way to end the chapter/a perfect place to do so, because you can begin part ten with them waking up! Overall, nice chapter and great work. Keep writing, Vampricone!

Your happy friend,
Ellie

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vampricone6783 says...


cutesy pig is between real and fake, that%u2019s why his name isn%u2019t capitalized.

Glad you enjoyed!




To be a master of metaphor is the greatest thing by far. It is the one thing that cannot be learnt from others, and it is also a sign of genius.
— Aristotle, Poetics