Blue eyes.
Blue eyes, I miss you.
I wonder when we’ll meet again.
Blue eyes, I wish I could see you again
Blue eyes, I remember when I first meet you.
Blue eyes, I miss you.
I wonder we’ll meet again.
Oh, blue eyes.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Yes, the title is spelt wrongly.
And as the above people have mentioned, you have a few grammar mistakes too.
I think you should give us more details, and you need not reapeat the words "Blue Eyes" over and over again.
Is it long enough to be a song?
I don't think so.
You should add more verses.
"Sometimes the most simplest poems are the most beautiful, but never let your poem be common."
---Dead Poet's Society
Emi hit some grammar marks for me.
I don't read lyrics a whole lot, but here will be the exception!
You said "blue eyes" way more than one should, being that the rest of your words have no power with them, either. Repetition should help out your writing, but consume it. Some of your lines don't make sense (grammar issues) and they're just too short, and too simple.
The spaces between the lines aren't really necessary. I don't know if this is enough to make a song? Maybe another verse would help.
Almost all the lines start the same; almost all the lines end the same. Hence, I wish this were expanded (I think this would make a nice intro and/or ending verse) to include a little more to sing about.
I think that should be 'met'.
Blue eyes, I wish I could see you again
I don't like how those two sound so close together.
You need 'when' in this line.
Also, you need a period at the end of the fourth line.
It's a good piece, but like Griffin said, I think it belongs in Lyrical poetry and the title gives a bad impression when it's misspelled...
Your title is mis-spelled: not a good first impression.
I also get the impression that this is more like lyrical poetry than song lyrics.