Some people look out to the mountains,
Down the valleys and up the streams.
The rain falls like water from fountains,
And sits on the ground whilst it gleams.
Then darkness comes and covers the valley,
As the night drives coldly on.
Owls hoot and squawk in endless rally.
But tomorrow they'll be gone.
Woken up to the cockerel’s call,
The rain now finished and dried.
Birds of black will sweep and soar,
Then perch upon the mountainside.
The sun continues upwards,
Into the slowly whitening sky.
Before the heat shoots downwards,
And starts to mature the Rye.
The sun now in the centre of the scene.
the warmth drifts away and then,
The rain starts to fall and gleam,
As our story starts again.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,498 Literary Works • 672,589 Reviews
I'm writing you another review because I can never find any criticisms for your work, they are always easy to read and draw incredible imagery in my mind.
I like how easily the poem flows from one stanza to the next. I feel like the first sentence is almost a journey that I'm being taken out as I start reading the poem. Its truly brilliant.
My favourite line has to be "Owls hoot and squawk in endless rally;" I love the use of the word rally, I don't hear it very often and you have used it perfectly here.
The only thing I will say is the use of capital letters at the start of sentences where the previous sentence ended with a comma, but that is it.
Another great piece of work
Hello!
First of all I would like to say that I really like this poem,
It is quite different and the imagery you use is simply beautiful!
I like the start ''Some people look out to the mountains, Down the valleys and up the streams. The rain falls like water from fountains, And sits on the ground whilst it gleams''.
You can really picture exactly what you want pictured here,
and over all its a wonderful piece.
Keep up the writing!
Hi!
+nods+ I quite like this. I can imagine everything that is going on as I read this, mountains, valleys, streams, sun, darkness, rain, so on. I really like this nature-theme, and the flow is quite lovely. One thing I have to say though, is:
Here, it feels a bit strange. "Woken up to the cockerel's call," ... and then it cuts to th rain, as if .. well, as the rain woken up by the cockerel's call... There doesn't appear to be any sort of relationship between the rain and the cockerel, as there is in "darkness" and "night" in the second stanza, and "sun" and "whitening sky" in the third stanza. That's probably the only part I felt broke the flow.
But very nice! +likes it+
Hope I could help, and thank you for writing poems (:
-Nikki
Hi! I'm here to review.
As a whole, I kinda liked this! I like the imagery you use, and it's cool what you're writing about.
This is where you lost me. I don't like the rhyme of these two stanzas, and "starts to mature the rye" sounds downright weird. If you need to think hard to come up with a sentence that rhymes with the rest of your poem, chances are you shouldn't use it at all. It becomes forced. That is something that drives people crazy.
Well, anyway, good luck! Hope I could help, at least a bit. Sorry for the short review.
-Knightley
Hi, I'm jemjive and will be your reveiwer. I will say that I throughly enjoyed reading this poem. It flows very nicely other than maybe the first verse, it sounds just a bit forced to rhyme. Overall it was beautiful, it gave me a great vision of the valley and it's nature. Is poetry what you focus on writing? Because you sound like a pro!
Anyways, keep writing.
-Jem