The brown of the wings traverse the blue sky.
But no one can see as our Griffin flies by.
Yellow beak pointing direction,
Creature of beauty, of mortal affection.
Tail whips behind in immaculate manner.
Flying and soaring with mythical glamour.
Clouds left behind all watching in awe
As the beautiful being silently soars.
Claws carry food back to a nest in the sky.
Out of the way, far beyond the human eye.
Where hungry little Griffin chicks all huddling together,
Awaiting the day they’ll grow their own feathers.
Back and forth the mother will go,
Collecting food for her offspring to grow.
But every full moon in the chill of the night.
She’ll once again stretch her feathers and take off in flight.
She’ll touch back down on the ground far below,
And meet up with other Griffins and they all say hello.
They walk round for a bit and talk to one another.
United as family. Like brother to brother.
Then back they will go, back up to their nests
As quickly as possible, rising like jets.
and up there, they sleep the night away,
and wake up tomorrow to start a new day.
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140,610 Literary Works • 673,552 Reviews
Excellent description of a Griffin. You made it as a symbol of bravery, intelligence, positive output in life, and sense of responsibility. Those qualities that we people should also possess. You just stressed it out in the form of a poem and you let the people to know what kind of qualities they should or, I say, we should have.
The poetic structure looks nice. Maybe you can add more "golden glitters" in the wooden canvass of yours so it would look more beautiful and leaves an image in every mind's of the reader.
I wanted to see more of this.
Hey thatboy!
This is quite interesting. You have conjured up a poem that practically tells us all about griffins! That's originality right there! You could publish this and people would believe it. Why? Because griffins don't exist and we can only assume what they do. You have gathered information on both a lion and eagle and put them together into a lifestyle fit for a mythical beast. That's something to be congratulated on *stands up and claps*.
Now to the poem. It was written quite well with great use of words. It flowed well but at times didn't. It's best if you go through the poem yourself and see where these are rather than me wast my time reading it through over and over again trying to find parts that need improving. I don't agree with the other reviewers that say that at times the rhyming seemed forced because it really worked! Keep up the good work and have a happy reviewing day!
MWAHAHAHA!
-RepublicOfCoter(ROC)
There are two issues with these lines, and the first is subject-verb agreement. Basically, when you have a singular subject, the verb should be plural (usually ending in -es), while if you have a plural subject, the verb should be singular. Right now, you have a singular subject (wing) and a singular verb (traverse) in the first line. Making one of these plural (I suggest changing wing to wings) will fix this.
The second issue: "see what?" Right now, the second line is phrased so that there's no clear answer to that question. If you change the "but" to "though" or some other preposition, the connection between the first and second lines becomes clearer, and so the question is answered before it is ever asked.
I believe you want "soaring". I suggest in the future that you check words in a dictionary just in case. It never hurts to be absolutely sure the word you're using is the correct one (especially in poetry), and it helps prevent rather glaring mistakes like this.
"Sours" aside, you broke the rhyme pattern. In the rest of the poem, you've got an aabb scheme going on, but not here. Why? Either rhyme these lines to match the rest of the poem, or alter the rest of the poem to follow a different pattern.
Should be "huddle". Watch your verb tenses.
This line was too wordy and threw off the flow. I suggest "She'll stretch her feathers and take off in flight".
These last two lines came out of nowhere. There's no build up to them, and so they feel tacked on, like you put them there just for the rhyme and pattern. Either include more mentions of how people don't see what is there (like in the first stanza) or make a separate poem about how people need to open their eyes to see gryphons.
Overall:
You had punctuation at the end of almost every line. Why? The periods in particular broke up the flow of ideas and made things choppy. Poetry follows the same general rules as regular writing, meaning that if you wrote your poem out in regular form, it should still be punctuated properly.
There were a couple other tense issues that I didn't point out. Try reading this poem aloud; it'll help you catch tense shifts as well as other things like broken flow.
You tended to drop articles (a, an, the). Why? Sometimes it works well, but other times, it's just confusing, and it was confusing in your poem.
The language in this was fairly simple, which wasn't bad, but you lacked anything to make it memorable. Next time, I suggest including more imagery and vivid language, like similes and metaphors. Right now, what description you do have is vague (just how brown is "brown"?), and so doesn't really stick in your readers' minds.
Overall, this isn't a bad start, but this poem does need a lot of work if you want it to be something more than just cute.
Hi there!
So this was a really good poem. There were some parts that felt a little forced and so I'm going to point them out real quick.
This line feels forced and it doesn't exactly rhyme. I suggest altering it a bit.
If they are united, they already have unity. Change "unity" to something else.
This is clever and adorable, but I don't believe it fits the image of the poem. You are talking about their lives and how graceful griffons are, so I don't think a reference to a fighter works here.
Other than that, this was great. Griffins are my favorite mythilogical creatures so this was refreshing!