Tick, Tick, Tick.
I didn’t want to leave my bedroom.
I didn’t want to socialise.
I didn’t want to work.
I didn’t want to do anything.
Other than sleep.
But let’s forget about that for a moment, eh? How are you doing? Good? Well I’m glad you are. Firstly I apologise for this, the rant, mental breakdown or whatever you want to call it, that you’re about to hear, but taking the current circumstances into consideration, I feel as though it’s necessary. Wait, why am I apologising? I mean, we’re friends right? You’ve known me for almost a year now, surely listening to me for a little while longer, won’t hurt you right? No? Well, if you said no then I thank you. I thank you for being a decent friend to me (despite not knowing each other face to face, I feel an awful lot of gratitude for you being here and choosing to persevere with our story) because it means a lot.
More than you’ll ever know.
Now, introductions are done, let’s move onto the rant. Honestly, in all my thirty six (almost thirty seven years) I have never felt so betrayed, humiliated, depressed, angry, upset and numb. To think that I ever loved that woman, that at one point I looked at her and thought, “I love you, I want you to have my child” - which is the only good thing that she’s ever done for me to be honest with apologies to any feminist who might be out there. How stupid was I? Falling for that scandalous, vindictive, deceitful cow, bloody hell. Do you think she deserved me? No? I agree, she never deserved me. To be honest, she might as well just have been with Jason in the first place - the ginger git. They would’ve been a better suit to each other, the rich ginge and the high-flying academic.
Don’t you agree?
I mean every time I look at Missy or hear her voice, she’s sounding and looking more and more like Diana by the day, which is expected seeing as she’s her mother, but at the same time, given the speed at which her true colours have come out these past few weeks, I wish I could just eradicate Diana’s blood from her all together (which I know isn’t possible) but you see where I’m coming from, don’t you? Where the worries are.
Especially given the fact she has a mother like Diana.
Anyway, moving on to today:
“Harvee, are ya awake?” Liam asked, knocking on the door, thinking that I was gonna let him in.
“Just go away Liam,” I requested, laying down in bed staring at the ceiling, feeling emotionally numb. “I just want to be left alone.”“I know mate, but honestlee dis ya being in ya bedroom 24/7 its be getting a bit hard to watch to be honest with ya,” He said, sounding extremely concerned. “We all understand dat these past couple days have been difficult ‘specially given da fact that Diana revealed that you be Harry’s biological father but wever ya like it or not we gotta keep movin’ forward. For Missy and for the band also-”“Yeah, well, maybe, me and Missy are fine as we are,” I said, feeling depressed. “Maybe we just need some time to ourselves, you know, get over this our own way, rather than being bothered every five fucking minutes!”I’d never snapped at Liam like this before.
“Mate, please-”“If you and the band don’t leave within the next hour, then I swear I’ll fucking escort you out myself,” I said, unplugging my phone from my beside charger. “And lock the door.”“I’m getting Kian,” He answered calmly, ignoring my emotional outburst as if it never happened. “Maybe he might be able to talk a bit more sense into ya.”Or maybe he would just make me feel twice as depressed.
As I waited for Kian to come and “try to get through to me”, I fell into the trap of temptation and started to scroll through my social media feeds, wanting to know what people had been saying about me. Was any of it good? About 45% were defending me - criticising Diana for being a selfish parent and thinking about herself rather than taking Missy’s needs into consideration, and the 55%. Well. There was trolling, disheartening photo and video edits, comments, statements and polls all “holding me to account” for being a deceitful, manipulative and sly father, who Missy doesn’t deserve - apparently living with Niall and Tanisha will be better for her.
Which maybe it could - if my name was Diana Gallagher.