Missy
“Me and your father have had a little chat, and we think that we need to take you out of school.”
For god’s sake….. I’ve just had to endure 6 hours of school…. A 2 hour and 15 minute exam.. A lunch revision session and I came home to find this. That Harvey and Leila have been sitting here all day, having…. What’s the word? Cosy Chats? Conspiring Chats? Ah… you call it whatever you want… anyway, that’s not the point. The point is, is that:
Harvey.
Doesn’t.
Listen.
Or.
Care.
About.
Me.
Or.
My.
Future.
Whatsoever.
His only priorities, which will always and forever be, is himself, his money and Leila. I know what you’re thinking, you think that I’m being negative, think that I’m overreacting
“I thought we had this conversation this morning, but….,” I took a long, sharp and deep breath, and mentally preparing myself for another battle with the pair.“What I said, obviously hasn’t gone in.”
“It’s not a case of going in, Missy. We saw what you were like Friday night, and it was honestly like, your spark had just gone. Before Year 9, 10 and 11, you were so bubbly and happy and now all you ever want to seem to do is work. Work. All the time. I mean, when you were younger, you would’ve been so excited to go to an awards ceremony but now, all you’d rather do is just work. It’s not right you know.” Harvey began.
“Your father’s right, Missy. Your spark….. It’s not there anymore. It’s like it's been I dunno…. What’s the word?.... Dimmed out-” She said, pouting like a teenager posing to update their latest social media profile. I’m sorry…. But I really struggle to take her seriously sometimes. It’s like she still thinks she’s in Year 11.
Biting the inside of my cheek in an attempt to contain my laughter, I continued to endure the conversation.
“I’m sorry, but where has this all come from? One minute, you’re really approving and lenient about my GCSEs and the next minute, well, we’re stood here having this conversation, coming out with some bullshit, that my “spark” has gone-”“Well, it has. I mean we’re all in agreement-”
“So there’s more people involved in this, is there? Ah, this just gets better and better(!) Go on, tell me, who else is supposedly in agreement?”
“Me, Leila, Kian, Matt, Liam, Finn, Brandon, Liv, Tom-”
“Finn and Brandon?!?!? Fucking hell, just when I though this day couldn’t get any worse-”
“You should be thanking us, not whining like the spoiled little brat you are.”
“Says the one who can’t even support herself financially.”
“Ah, just give it a rest. You don’t know what you’re talking about, MIssy.”
Oooh, but I think I do. I think it’s you, who don’t know what I’m talking about.
“Look, I am fed up of listening to your constant whining, moaning, grizzling and moping. It’s really starting to give me a headache.”
“Is it now? Ooh, let’s all feel sorry for Harvey(!) His poor little head, cannot take the dose of reality for much longer(!) Well, you know what. This, this whole education criticism, this whole “You’ve lost your spark crap”, this whole “We know what’s best for you”, this is a battle that you won’t win.”
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140,218 Literary Works • 673,046 Reviews
Hi sunlightwarriorxo,
Mailice here with a short review
I really like your dialogues. You continue to keep your style with it and it's also good to put yourself in when you read the chapter. I like the fact that you get to know a bit about Missy's past and how she has changed because of the upcoming GCSEs.
It would be great to read when exactly this started with Missy and whether she was always so dismissive towards Harvey.
I think it would be good, especially at the end, if you sometimes added who is speaking in the dialogue. It's obvious when Missy is talking, but you can't sometimes tell if it's Harvey or Leila.
I enjoyed the chapter. Because it was almost entirely dialogue, it was very dynamic and smooth to read - almost like a theatre play.
Mailice.
This was a very engaging chapter. It kind got to me about her spark being gone because of the GCSEs. I know that that isn't what the story was about, but you really captured that feeling. I'm reviewing my life a little because of this chapter.
You have added good dialogue and a good feeling to it.
What was the exam like? Maybe add a little detail about it through a quick flashback or something like that.
How do you feel about leaving school? Are you shamefully a little relieved or angry or glad? I can tell that she is angry at them for just deciding this, however I would like to know her inner emotions underneath all of that spite.
Additionally, could you use variation to describe the way people say things, just so who's speaking is clear.
Lastly, perhaps the exclamation marks don't need brackets, I think it would still work if you didn't include the brackets.
I love the way you have expressed her emotions effectively despite the chapter being short.
I enjoyed this chapter