Missy
Period 5. It was finally the end of another long and tedious old week. We’ve had our ups and downs, the good times and the bad… wait... what on earth am I saying? I sound like one of those headteachers, who’s about to send off a group of Year 11s. Who in their right frame of mind would want to be a headteacher...eurgh. The idea of it alone, makes me feel sick… let alone pursuing it for a full time job. But, for some people out there, it’s their dream, so I guess we gotta sit and respect it. Anyway, moving on.
Physics. One of the most boring subjects that exists. Ever.
Every.
Single.
Lesson.
Is.
Exactly.
The.
Same.
We walk in. We sit down. We do a starter. We’re lectured on how intelligent we are. We’re given pointless content to learn. We’re reminded that our exams start in 5 weeks. And that’s it. The cycle starts again. To be honest with you, tell me when you are going to use it, in life, hmm? Unless you want to be a psych, a pysh, a physician or whatever it’s called, then I guess that’s an exception. But other than that, tell me when, as an adult, you are going to start calculating scalar and vector quantities, or start looking at Elastic Potential Energy? Hmm… exactly. You don’t fucking need it… excuse my language but I really don’t like the lesson.
“Right class, who can remind me of both the definition and equation for elastic potential?” Miss Walton asked, with her eyes firmly fixed on me as per usual. Don’t suppose you’ve ever had that? Teachers just decide to randomly start staring at you for no reason, and then expect you to know the answer. You have? Then you can understand the frustration that it causes you. I mean, there’s like 23 or whatever other kids in the class, pick on them instead.
“I think the answers you’re looking for Miss are as follows. The first question’s answer is, a force acting on an object may cause the shape of an object to change. Work is done on an object when its shape changes. When work is done, energy is transferred, and this energy is stored as elastic potential energy. When the object returns to its original shape, the stored elastic potential energy is released. And the equation is, spring constant x displacement squared.” Jack gloated, desperate for his teacher’s pet validation. Eurgh….The class resident nerd. Every single question he answers, right, is just faultless. But it’s not just Science, yeah, it’s exactly the same in every single goddamn lesson. History, Drama, Computer Science, it’s the same. I mean, is he a human brainbox or something? Does he spend his entire evenings just staring at a book and memorising the content until he scores 100% on a Seneca or Quizlet test? Hmm? Makes me wonder, to be honest with you.
Like no normal human can get every single question in every lesson right can they?
“Brilliant, Jack. Now can you repeat that again for anyone who might have missed it-”
“No offence, Jack or Miss, but I think everyone knows that. I mean we are top set at the end of the day.” Jade spat, looking as though she was about to fall asleep… wait, she always looks like she’s about to fall asleep. Why on earth am I acting surprised?
“Oh, alright. Well, as long as you have all made a note of it somewhere in your book, a definition like that is sure to guarantee you a good three-four marks in the exam. Right class, if you would like to write down the date and title, and we’ll make a start on the starter-”
God, help me.
End of chapter
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140,210 Literary Works • 673,042 Reviews
Hey there! I saw this in the green room, and although it might be out by the time I leave a review, I still decided to write one up for you! c: I'm just going to get straight into it and end this with some general thoughts! ^_^
So right off, I've noticed that you have an informal tone for this novel! I think you're good at keeping a consistent tone throughout the chapter; this almost seems like a diary entry of some sort, and it reminds me of books I loved reading when I was young.
I did notice that you used a lot of ellipsis. I like the use of ellipsis, but when you use them so many times throughout a piece of writing, it loses its effect. If you use it sparingly, the ellipsis have a more dramatic effect, but its overuse can make it less effective. That's just something for you to consider as you're writing! c:
You're not wrong xD
I also find it interesting that you address the reader in this! I think your novel would work well as diary entries or something similar because of how casual it is - and since it recognizes a reader, it would make sense if this was actually written by the narrator!
I believe you don't need to capitalize science since it's not a specific course :)
I think my main suggestion would be for you to establish how you want to set this up. Like I mentioned, you really engage the reader in this chapter, asking them questions and addressing them, as well as adding informal language like "Hmm?" and "Eurgh" -> do you want this to read like a journal, maybe letters to a friend, or something similar? Or it could just be a regular novel chapter, but I'm thinking how you would be bale to incorporate the reader into that. These are just some things to consider! You don't have to do anything at all, if that's what makes you feel best :)
I like how in this chapter, I got a feel for the characters through their actions. For example, I got to see Jack was a smart kid from the way he responded. I also got to get a feel of our narrator, who seems like a typical, annoyed teenager :p I'm wondering, did you ever mention the narrator's name in this chapter? It would be helpful to mention at least once, in my opinion! Perhaps I missed it, but that's something else I would consider.
One last thing that I would consider is to show more. I would love to see how the classroom looked, and how the narrator's classroom and teachers looked like. What was the weather that day? Was it hot and stuffy in the classroom? Were the hallways in a ruckus, or was it super quiet? Little things like this can add a lot to a story!
Overall, I enjoyed reading this chapter! Your narrator seems like such a cool person to hang out with, and this line made me laugh -
[quote]Does he spend his entire evenings just staring at a book and memorising the content until he scores 100% on a Seneca or Quizlet test?[//quote]
Your story feels very relatable, and I think it would easily resonate and connect with the modern reader -> that's something else I enjoyed about this! It wasn't very formal, and the reader would not have a hard time reading this at all c:
I hope to read more from you soon, and I hope this helped! ^_^
Thank you for your review!
Hi sunlightwarriorxo,
Mailice here with a short review
Let's start straight away; Missy is really smug grumbler. And I like that. The whole perspective you tell it from feels like you've witnessed it yourself.(I hope not, of course; she's certainly one of those people where you don´t want to speak to).
I really like that in particular. This way of underlining her frustration, you've chosen well.
Also this expression is wonderful xD How she describes Jack is really funny.
I thought the chapter was a bit too short though, not much happened and I thought at first there would be something added, like Missy throwing a book at Jack or complaining why he isn´t the teacher or something xD Maybe you could have described the class a bit more, their classmates and what a pain in the ass they are. Then, while she is ranting in her mind about everyone, the lesson continues. Of course, that's just a suggestion and my opinion.
I love how you switch between the dialogue and her thought processes!
This lesson took me back a bit to my own time when we had a similar teacher who kept picking the same person to ask.
Other than that, not much to say, great (short) chapter and I'll be lurking for the next chapters
Mailice
Thanks for your review (I'm only posting two-three excerpts from each chapter - so this isnt the full chapter)!
This is so cool- I have to do Seneca and Quizlet as well at school. I loved this piece, not only because of that but because it's so relatable. I also love the way you have included repetition in your piece, not in obvious context of course but in a way that when you said:
'wait, she always looks like she’s about to fall asleep. Why on earth am I acting surprised?'
it really related and referred back to the fact that everyday is the same. That line really highlighted the monotonous days and people in her life. Super effective.
I like the way you say hmmm... to illustrate how her bold her character is, and the fact that she's asking you a rhetorical question. A line like this really makes you imagine how she talks to people, composes herself, and that she doesn't go for second best. However, since this story is done in first person and furthermore a journal-like novel, perhaps you could still ask a rhetorical question but without such boldness. I think that though hmm? makes you experience her strong attitude and outlook upon things, it would be more applicable if she were addressing somebody within the story.
Additionally, when you represented how she was trying to spell physician, perhaps you could compose it like this: 'Unless you want to be a psych... pysh... physician.
Just too create more emphasis.
Enjoyed reading this
Thank you for your review!