Young Writers Society

A/N. Lol..wrote this at about midnight last night, so that explains the bizarre weirdness. It takes place in the U.S., and if you don't know at least a tiny bit about Old Westerns some of the humor might not quite make sense to you. But read it anyway! I command it!

~Her Royal Heinous, the Kool One

High in the lonesome plains of Colorado a lone cowboy sat, watching the setting sun sink into the horizon. His horse was white as the clouds in the blue, blue sky, which his eyes were as blue as.

This lone cowboy was known as Wild Shane McGraw, and legend has it that he was the only true cowboy of the west. His horse could run as fast as the lightning that split the sky in the Colorado thunderstorms, and his smile was as bright as the sunshine that lit the blue, blue sky as blue as his eyes. Every little boy wanted to grow up to be Wild Shane McGraw. Only one of them ever did...his name was John Wayne, whose tale of glory must be left for another day.

Nobody wanted to be on the wrong side of Wild Shane McGraw. His fist was quicker than the lightning the split the sky in the Colorado thunderstorms, and his frown was as dark as the clouds in a Colorado thunderstorm. The enemies ran as fast away from him as they did from the dangerous Colorado thunderstorm.

Just to give you a little taste of what Wild Shane McGraw was like, here's a story telling about his greatest exploit - when he faced the Colorado Savages in a bloody battle against impossible odds.

What the facts is, is that when Wild Shane McGraw first came to Colorado, he didn't want any trouble. He settled down in a small town and told no one what his true name was, only saying that he was Shane McGraw, and he had sometimes been known as Wild. However, despite his care, it still was found out by the people of the town that he was the notorious Wild Shane McGraw. As soon as they found out, the townspeople asked him to help defend them against the terrible tribe of Colorado Savages who ravaged town after town, stealing babies, women and horses with reckless abandon.

Why they did this, nobody was quite sure, because they always sent the babies back after two or three days, and the women usually came with them. However, the townspeople were beginning to miss the horses, so they begged Wild Shane McGraw to help them. Wild Shane McGraw, with heroic heroicism, agreed to help.

The next day he set out with his faithful horse and his gun, which was named, as legend has it, Old Betsy, but was in fact named Old Bessy, to defeat the evil savages. Despite the danger he was facing, his mustache remained as smooth as ever, his expression as emotionless and his heart as steady as the rain in a Colorado thunderstorm.

After riding on the prairie for several hours, Wild Shane McGraw began to get up a powerful thirst. Spotting a small pool lying conveniently nearby, he rode up to it, swooped smoothly down off his horse and scooped some water up with his hat. As he raised his head to drink, he stopped cold and dead as a corpse in his tracks at what he saw. All along the ridge surrounding him were Colorado Savages, surveying him with emotionless faces from the backs of their pinto horses.

Wild Shane McGraw was even more startled because only a moment before he had been riding on a prairie, and it mystified him as to how the Colorado Savages were suddenly looking down at him from a ridge, but he soon got over the concept and began to think about how he could get out of this fix, beat these Colorado Savages and get back to his town.

Suddenly his quick brain got to jumping, and his heart got to pumping, because he had a plan. His plan, as legend has it, was this: he would spring onto his horse and gallop away across the plains, quick as the lightning in a Colorado thunderstorm. When he reached the town, he would tell the people that he had defeated the Colorado Savages, and then when the Savages struck again and raided another town, he would say that they weren't the Colorado Savages, but the Colorado Sagebrush Raiders, a completely different group of darkskinned semi-naked individuals.

And that's exactly what he did. He rode out of there whooping and hollering like anything, and the Colorado Savages were so scared that they didn't even follow him. He rode back into town and smirked and strutted like a hero, picking up a few ladies on each arm as he strode to the nearest tavern to proclaim his victory.

And that's the story, you see of the notorious Wild Shane McGraw, the most dangerous man in the west and the only real cowboy who ever existed.

As a side note, however, perhaps you should know that soon after Wild Shane McGraw defeated the Colorado Savages, he left town. He says it's because he was getting too well-known and wanted to go back into obscurity, but the facts is is that he left as soon as he heard the sherriff of the town was the brother of the chief of the Colorado Savages.

On his path to obscurity, they say Wild Shane McGraw traveled to California and lived for a while in the town known as Holl...something starting with 'H.' And then, his name really must have sunk into obscurity once and for all, because after that all anyone ever heard about was John Wayne, the second true cowboy of the...er...west.