z

Young Writers Society



The Marquis de Sonfield

by sokool15


Okay, this is an experiment. I have this plot in my mind for this story...it's supposed to be the most typical romance you could ever read. Based on this first chapter, can you attempt to guess at what the rest of the plot will be?

The thing is, I have this theory that most romance stories are generally the same...and this experiment is supposed to help me find the answer. So anyway, please try to guess at the plot, and I'll tell you what I really had in mind. It'll be fun! *crosses fingers*

CHAPTER ONE

"You invited the Marquis de Sonfield over for dinner?"

Ellen's soft honey-colored tresses brushed against her blushing cheek as she swung around to face her cousin. Her turqoise eyes, surrounded by long black lashes, glared at her cousin who was sitting on the bed.

"Oh, and what's wrong with that? Really, Ellen, you don't have any reason to hate the man. Especially as you've never met him."

"I hate him for his reputation as a rake and a ladies' man, Anne! And you should too, if you know what's good for you," replied Ellen furiously, returning to the mirror and running the brush through her long, smooth hair.

"I never hate good-looking men, especially not when they are charming. What's a little kiss now and again? If the Marquis takes an interest in either of us, we'd do well to respond favorably, Ellen. He's a powerful man."

Ellen frowned at her cousin. "Anne, really. I don't care how powerful he is, I just..."

Her voice trailed off as she heard men's voices downstairs. "Oh! My brother must be home. Let's greet him, shall we?"

Anne put out a hand to catch Ellen and remind her that her hair was loose and looked a fright, but the impetuous girl had already gone. She sighed and followed, but stopped frozen at the top of the staircase at what she saw below. Ellen was standing, hair astray and flowing down her back, not fully clothed, in front of the dignified, incredibly handsome and very amused Marquis de Sonfield.

***

"Well, James, a pretty little establishment you've got here and no mistake," the Marquis said.

Ellen's brother grinned. "Yes, I like to think so. Of course, it's my sister who keeps it in tip top shape."

"Your sister?"

"Yes, Ellen. Let me tell you, Thomas, that she's a fine little woman."

Thomas, the Marquis, grinned. "I'd like to meet her sometime."

"I'm sure you would," replied James. "But you shan't, not until I say so. She's a prickly little bur, and not to be trusted in polite company."

Thomas was about to reply, but was interrupted by the sound of bare feet pattering down the stairs. He looked up and was stricken with astonishment at what he saw. A young woman floated down the staircase, lightly wafting along, her bare feet seeming not to touch the ground. Her hair was beautiful, long and luxurious, cascading down around her perfect form. Her bosom's were accented by the light summer dress she wore, and Thomas found himself unable to tear his gaze away. Her face was perfectly lovely, alight with happiness.

"James! You're home..." Her soft voice died away as she saw Thomas standing there. Her hand went to her hair, and she glanced involuntarily at her dainty white feet. "Oh, dear...I'm so sorry, James. I wasn't expecting visitors."

James sighed, then grinned and held out his hand. The lovely woman took it and came down the remaining stairs with as much dignity as she could muster.

"Thomas, this is my sister, Ellen. Ellen, may I present the Marquis of Sonfield. I understand Anne has asked him to dine with us tonight. I was just showing him around our little estate."

Thomas watched in amusement as the woman's expression darkened imperceptibly. Her warm and friendly manner was gone in an instant, and her red lips tightened. Unfortunately the effect was that her lips pursed together and looked even more kissable and delicious than they had before.

She curtsied stiffly and held out a cold hand. "I am pleased, Marquis, I'm sure."

"And I am equally sure you are not pleased at all," replied Thomas, grinning. He seized her tiny hand and noticed how it trembled in his. He bent and dropped a light kiss on the back of her white skin, then released it immediately. She pulled back and shuddered a little, looking at her hand and knitting her slender eyebrows.

"I must leave you, I am afraid, to prepare for dinner, which will be served at eight. I look forward to seeing you then," said Ellen, and hurried back up the stairs. Thomas refrained from whistling as she retreated, then turned and raised an eyebrow at James.

"See what I mean?" said James tiredly. "She's so impulsive."

"I think she's quite...disastrously lovely," said Thomas. "Now, show me the library."


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Thu Aug 02, 2007 2:21 am
frenchpastry wrote a review...



Wonderful writing. ;) But you're right, it is typical. The 'Love-Hate' relationship is very prevalent in the Romance genre. Not saying that that's bad. It's just... over-used.

And of course, I can totally guess the ending, unless of course you change it up.




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Wed Aug 01, 2007 6:04 pm
BrokenSword wrote a review...



sokool15 wrote:P.S. Don't worry, Twit, I wouldn't actually write a story so typically. Knowing me I'd have to throw in some other quirky character somewhere. Maybe I'll have Ellen dress up as a boy and chop her hair off, then burn half of her face in a fire and go live under an opera house, where she becomes lesbian and helps a young girl named Christine become famous! :wink:


:o I is liking that idea! LOL

I like it so far. It is very typical, but it hints at something different in the future. I think your writing style flows very smoothly.

One thing I noticed, you wrote "bosom's." It's either "bosom" or "breasts", so it seems like you mixed up the two words. :P




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Wed Aug 01, 2007 5:00 pm
sokool15 says...



LOL!!!

Thanks for all the great comments and opinions, y'all. I especially like the Twitty Shadow's little snide moonlight scene.

Yeah, you guys were right! I've never actually read a romance novel, if you can believe it. I've just heard about them, so I got this theory that most of them were the same...cliche and lame.

Of course, there must be a reason that so many people keep writing them...some people like them, right?

So anyway, thanks to you all for helping me prove my theory...after only two pages of writing, you were able to guess the entire plot! Ack! If this starts happening in other generas as well, where will the great world of literature go? Down the tubes, that's where! :D

Yours gratefully, 8)

P.S. Don't worry, Twit, I wouldn't actually write a story so typically. Knowing me I'd have to throw in some other quirky character somewhere. Maybe I'll have Ellen dress up as a boy and chop her hair off, then burn half of her face in a fire and go live under an opera house, where she becomes lesbian and helps a young girl named Christine become famous! :wink:




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Wed Aug 01, 2007 3:35 pm
Twit wrote a review...



This reeks of cliche, sokool. :lol: I'm reminded of "I Capture the Castle" where one sister says that she'd "marry a chimpanzee if he had money" and the other responds, "That's a wicked, wicked thing to say!"

Urgh. :mrgreen:

Ellen the magnificent and hard to get, will, after a long and tangled courtship with a
nicer, less scandalous man, will eventually realise that she loves the Marquis. They meet in a gazebo in the moonlight, profess undying love, Ellen will playfully tell the Marquis that even though she will marry him, she intends to keep her liberty. They laugh softly and share a passionate snog.

Gross. :roll:

Please tell me it won't be so! I implore thee to spare my anguished heart, and write another plot!




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Wed Aug 01, 2007 3:18 pm
writergirl007 wrote a review...



I agree with comments above. Sadly, this is how all of my stories are and I find this one fastinating! *Sigh* I will have to change my writing a little bit. Yes, Box. It is another cliche. You don't have to make them end up together, but I like it when they do. But that is just me. To spice it up, you can have her like someone else, and then fall for them instead or something. XD Still working on getting out of my regular routine, so I don't have very many comments on what is right and wrong in romance since everything I do seems to be wrong. XD Oh well. I will learn, eventually. 007




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Wed Aug 01, 2007 3:19 am
The Box wrote a review...



Anne is going to be the loose sort of character--perhaps acting as rivalry later on as the affair between Ellen and the Marquis (the name reminds me so much of the name Seinfeld, if you want to know a distracting thought from me), intensifies. I think Sid has the answer: the stubborn reserved female eventually digs the extroverted, power-wielding, persistent male, after spending so much time not liking him. Let's see, they'll have some type of conflict, due to their differences in thought. (Or James will act as a semi-barrier between the two of them)

"I hate you."

"I hate you."

*they snog anyway*

---

Just a thought: if we are indeed correct, should The Marquis be referred to as Thomas during the scene--what I mean to say is, by referring to him just by his title, you would make the bulge of distance between them. Well, even though she refers to Thomas as the marquis.

---

And one more thought. Is it the harder-to-get she seems, the more interested the Marquis is interested? If you're intending to write this as a parody (since you already are trying to mock romance novels), then I'd like to see the scene where she throws herself at him to end with him not longer interested, and walks out, or something, to entice a challenge once more.

p.s. isn't one requirement of a romance novel for two people to come together? is that a cliché? Or are there even more obnoxious overused ideas in romance stories?




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Tue Jul 31, 2007 4:16 am
Sid wrote a review...



Hm.
Both interesting and typical. I'm really not sure if that is possible though. Anyway here are my theories.

Well Ellen seems to have a history with "ladies' men", which Thomas supposedly is. This means she immediately doesn't like him before she ever meets him. So if these two people are the ones to fall in love, then the plot has been used over and over again. Stubborn girl who originally hates a guy then after time (and a little wooing by the man) she ends up falling in love against all odds. This is the plot that comes to mind. Whether or not it is the one you are planning on using, I'm curious. : )

Hope it's the typical romance plot you thought people would guess. Even if it's not, it is still my hypothesis.

(The plot I think it is, does seem to resemble Pride and Prejudice a bit doesn't it???)





I should infinitely prefer a book.
— Mary Bennet, Pride and Prejudice