Young Writers Society

Beautiful message! Thanks for this! Although the poem is simple and short, the message is very clear and I love it. It's true; we need to be thankful that we have eyes, because so many others have not.

Just a few things: "I really didn't want to loose my sight". In this line, it should be "lose", not "loose.". ;D

Keep it up!

Mysticalxx

its a beautiful imagination of the truth. It makes me love the world more juz bcoz i knw i can c the beauty just the way it is.
this part
Then the gardener near by said being kind;

'Some get a choice,

Some are born blind.'

Those line now have been engraved in my mind.

And now i finally,

Appreciate the light.
i luv these lines more....they r so very touchy!!

Hello! Music here for a review!

May I say, cool concept cool message! I felt some emotion in this some longing. That's what you need when you really want to write something. However, I've a few suggestions.

I'll start with the format. To me, how you format a poem is important. Of course, this is your poem so you don't have to change anything if you don't want to. I felt this poem was rushed because there were no boundaries inside the lines. It read from line to line with no stop which didn't give me a good chance to soak up some lovely parts and messages you had in here. Simply, I suggest reformatting.

Also, I see you rhyme when writing. I do too of course, who hasn't? But, I've been told to lay off the rhymes before. So here, you've got a good message but if you try to rhyme every word, it seems forced. I know it's hard not to rhyme sometimes and then it doesn't feel like poetry, but I think if you took out a few "rhyming" words, your poem would be easier digested. Yet still, you must be also careful with the patterns of your work. At the beginning, it rhymed and at the end there wasn't a tight pattern. Of course don't forget poetry is whatever you make it and it doesn't have to be laid out like law, but keep general ideas and rules for poetry in mind.

Good job, and I enjoyed this. Please keep it up!!

It starts off really well; really poetic and you have greast descriptions of the rose bush. I love the part about the birds in the tree; that was classic poetry. But near the end you seem to forget a little bit that you're writing a poem and not just having a casual conversation. The line I most take issue with is "and like you don't make faces or glare". Why did you throw like in there? Such a filler word. Also you get so excited to tell us the point of the poem , the lesson you're trying to get at that you lose a bit of the poetry of the piece switching from describing a day to show us the message to just telling it to us.
I am not sure what you meant by " my weeked just got a whole lot brighter for I have eyes to see". You already had eyes. So is it the reminder that there are people without eyes that made you happy? The belief that we should be happy because other people have less reason to be happy than us, implying we somehow owe it to them to be happy, I'd as flawed as the belief that we should be miserable because there are people out there who have more reason to be happy than us. Our happiness should not be based on any form of comparison. I agree that we should recognize that other people are going through difficult situations, whether blindness or otherwise, and we should be aware of how our reaction could affect them.
Overall, though there are several grammatical errors and I don't entirely agree with the philosophy behind the poem, the poem itself is well written, especially at the beginning, and also very thought provoking. Keep writing and I hope tho review helps.
tgirly

I like it, I really do. It's something I often ponder myself. I have a slightly bad eye that I can't see well through and although I cannot compare it to blindness, it is something that makes me understand more of what they are going through. I really don't know much beyond these certain styles of poems; one that rhymes, Haiku, Emotion and Acrostic. I have no experience with non rhyming, though there are some pieces of your poem which rhyme and others that don't. There are some sentences which are longer than others and to me it feels as if the rhythm and flow that should accompany a poem is not there (Unless that is only me).

Then the gardener near by said being kind;

'Some get a choice,

Some are born blind.'

Those line now have been engraved in my mind.

And now i finally,

Appreciate the light.

I really like this part it was all flowy and if I read it again it all actually sort of fits but some parts do feel a but robotic like a couple of line just thrown together and not connected. To me this poem seems a little undeveloped at the moment. Though I believe if you work hard at it then it will be a truly beautiful piece. I hope my review will help you in some way

This poem has a lot of meaning to it. I like the message it gives. The only thing is the line
The rose bushes red.
I would change it to
The red rose bushes.
I dont know, thats just me. But the poem is still really good. I'm glad you were inspired by this thing. Very good. Keep up the good work!
~Lauren

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