“Umm, hi I guess?”
i said. The guy who called himself David spoke up, “do you remember what
happened Kiara?”. “No” I replied truthfully. Again awkward silence. Then the Spanish
looking guy said with a very bored tone, “that must mean that she has gone
through the transformation”. ‘What are they talking about’ I thought to myself.
I wondered what I should say and then finally I did the smart thing. I asked
them, “What happened? To me, to that room I was sleeping in, and why is my
shirt soaked with blood?” “I have answers for that” replied David and continued
speaking, “Follow me please.” I did as he said since he was my only source of
information. This was all so weird and I was hardly able to register this
simple and awkward conversation we had. He opened the door through which I had
come in and looked back at the Spanish guy and almost ordered him, “you better
be coming Travis.” Travis had an amused look on his face as he said, “no
thanks, I prefer being here. I don’t like it when people cry because it is just
so over dramatic.” David shot him a glare and said, “Well, thank you my good
for nothing best friend”.
He led me
into the room I had woken up in and then opened a trapdoor in the floor I hadn’t
noticed and said, “you first” he obliged and jumped in and I went after him. The
room below was dark and guess what I could see everything…in the dark…and my
vision wasn’t even thermal…so cool….and creepy.
“Why can I see
everything?” I blurted out. David just said, “you ask to many questions and
went to a box that looked like the first computer ever made and switched that ‘thing’
on. He put up a video and told me to sit and watch it. I did as he said. In the
video Nick and I were sitting on our couch and my mom said, “You both are
tutores and I am very sorry” and then she stabbed nick in the heart and I remembered
everything that happened in that tiny second.
Oh my god…. I
started hyperventilating, I couldn’t believe what had happened and then
something clicked in my mind and with a lot of expectation I said, “my crazy
mother stabbed me too and I think I am alive does that mean that even Nick is”
David had a sad look on his face as he replied, “no Kiara. I am sorry but your
brother didn’t pass the test. He is dead”
Those words
repeated themselves in my mind and with a loud thud I fell down.
However, one thing you need to do now is to write each person's speech in seperate paragraphs. I mean, you write all the dialogue one after another, which isn't the right way. I suggest you break it down into paragraphs.
So, Kiara fainted. I wonder where she will wake up, and what will be explained in the next chapter. Because this is intriguing. There is something about guardian angels that still needs to be explained, also the 'where exactly is she' part as well. 
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