It stands tall and proud,
It's hideous I want to shroud.
If burst "Ouch", I'll shout aloud,
then there will be a whole crowd.
People say it doesn't look that bad,
but I know it does and that makes me sad.
"Respect it!" I say, because it's the only the thing that girls fear, night and day.
My bad I popped it,
Now I sit here covering it with my makeup kit.
It's spreading all over my face,
leaving behind the World's Worst Trace.
Like an inverted simple dimple,
I have an ugly pimple.
An angry red half-sphere, it looks like,
And yet again the Evil Pimple strikes!
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139,050 Literary Works • 672,402 Reviews
WoW!! lyk seriously the poem is very funny and cute... Ur imagination is quite outstanding!! luvd it girl
Thanks simran. I am glad you liked it. Are you an Indian?
did u not remember me? sals frnd??
neva i didnt knw u wrote peoms and all...tell me if u have any more poems!!
Hello and Happy Review Day!
It's hilarious, probably because it's something that we can all relate to. It's also something that we laugh at, as long as we're not the ones with the pimples! I like the last line, you make a pimple sound like some evil villain.
i'm just going to type this: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
I have two nitpicks which are easy enough to fix.
If burst "Ouch", I'll shout aloud,
You need a comma after burst. It's hard to explain, but it sounds like 'burst' is a way of speaking, and someone is bursting out OUCH! But you need a comma so we know that you shout if the pimple bursts.
"Respect it!" I say, because it's the only the thing that girls fear, night and day.
I was wondering why this line was so long. It's just because you forgot to press enter!
There you go. It's a great poem!
Thanks a lot. I am glad you liked it.
I really like this poem. It's very well written, however, you do need commas in some places. Such as, "My bad, I popped it." Other than that, it's very good
Thanks Ella. I will surely keep that in mind next time.
Another poem i wrote is called 'the dream'. Please follow me if you liked my poems
I really liked this poem.
Aside from the small grammatic errors (which in no way detract from the meaning of the poem), some of the phrasing seems forced. The third line is the best example I can think of, were the narrator thinks about exclaiming ouch.
It just seems like the inversion of the sentence was ineffective.
All in all I loved reading this poem! It addressed an extremely common topic among teenagers in a playful lighthearted tone.
Keep it up!
Thanks a lot i will keep in mind these tiny details next time.
Please follow me if you liked this poem.
Wow, I was a bit surprised to read this, honestly. The name made me click it, because I was curious what you might do with a title like that, and I was pleasantly surprised. Its cute, and relate able because I am sure all females and males feel like this when a pimple shows up on their face.
I did find myself laughing at certain parts, which is good, and also going "Wow, I understand that" at other parts, which is also good, considering I don't connect to much. It honestly felt as though you pulled this poem out of the feelings in my head when I have a pimple, which is pretty cool.
Thank you im glad you liked it.
Just the thought of the poem makes me laugh. All teenagers go through this issue, and to write about it really is bizarre and genius at the same time. If I had some feedback, it would be to choose some of the words a little more carefully. Really go back and hammer down each word. I noticed some rhyme in the beginning but I think it faded off. Maybe keep that up through the whole poem. Also I can tell the beginning and the end of the poem, but even though there is a middle, there really isn't a climax to it. This are just some of my random thoughts coming out of my head when I read. Some of them may be useful, while others are probably stupid. Nonetheless, I found this poem amusing, and thanks for sharing it with me!
Very cute, very true, very charming little poem. I really enjoyed reading it to say the least. My favorite like is "Like an inverted simple dimple" just because it's a really cute way to describe something so not cute. Pimples are a pain -_- but I think I'm finally starting to out grow them!
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Just some minor grammar errors ( corrections in parenthesis ) :
It stands tall and proud, (I would either put a period or a semi colon here
It's hideous(ness) I want to shroud.
(There are a few places where you used a lower case instead of a capital at the beginning of a line. In poetry every first letter of a line is capital
"Respect it!" I say, because it's the only the thing that girls fear, night and day. (You used the too much here
There may be more but I'm no grammar guru LOL Keeping up the writing!!!
Thank you.I will keep these things in mind next time.
Firstly , I want to applaud you for your humorous and rhyming poem which is certainly enjoyable to read. Although its simplicity is a nice feature, it could still be better if you added better adjectives and phrases. For example 'ugly' could be replaced with 'unsightly,' 'grotesque' or 'hideous. But 'an angry red half-sphere' is very descriptive and imaginative which would grab the attention of any reader. Your dramatic use of language such as:'the World's worst trace' makes me smile and this adds to the overall humorous and yet relatable poem. I love the last line as summarises your hate for, well, pimples. I hope to read more of your poems and have a happy holiday.
Thans a lot. And i will keep your advice in mind.
'The Evil Pimple' is extremely descriptive and the use of words shows the author's amazing imagination. It is quite funny though the humor does not offend. The pimple is almost personified to the extent of 'Regina George', Prime Time Mean Girl from the Movie 'Mean Girls'. The poem is easily likable and I believe it will draw girls of all ages. Pimples and acne are one topic where all girls unite and enough support can be garnered to kill the pimple! (Bad humor, Sorry!)